


Cursed

by moonlikeyou



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, but not rly, fairytale allusions, jackson/ various, learning to love??, there's a curse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-03-29 11:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13926504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlikeyou/pseuds/moonlikeyou
Summary: And the old witch snarled, nostrils quivering angrily, and said,”You, young one, you will never find love- everyone you love will die because of you.”Jinyoung knows that not all fairy tales end in happily-ever-afters, and he accepts that he's going to stay unlovable and alone for his whole life. But then Jaebum comes along, and perhaps, just maybe, Jinyoung learns a little about love.





	1. OUT

_2000, Busan_

 

Jinyoung skips on the road happily, twirling his new shiny baton as he prances past shops and houses on the way home. He picks a few dandelions on the way, since his pet rabbit Tofu loved munching on them. It’s already six at night, and Jinyoung’s looking forward to Grandma’s vegetable stew that she promised to make tonight.

 

“Good evening Uncle Kim! Hello Auntie Choi!” Jinyoung greets the neighbourhood _ajusshis_ and _ahjummas_ with a big smile, the one that shows off his squishy cheeks and makes adults go _awwwww_ as he makes his way home.

 

Uncle Kim and Auntie Choi are no exception to falling for Jinyoung’s charms, from how they beam at Jinyoung and wave until Jinyoung goes beyond the fence and towards the alley where he lives. Jinyoung waves back with increased enthusiasm, since Jinyoung loves making friends and talking to them.

 

The baton in Jinyoung’s hands was a gift from Auntie Lee, who lived next to Auntie Han, who took care of Jinyoung during the day when Jinyoung’s grandmother went to care for her crops. Auntie Lee had given Jinyoung the baton when Jinyoung greeted her good morning and smiled at her, and she had praised Jinyoung for being such a smart and polite boy.

 

Jinyoung smiles at the memory. He would miss going to Auntie Han’s house every day when he starts going to elementary school -The word rolls off Jinyoung’s tongue awkwardly, but it’s fine, he’ll learn soon enough- next year.

 

Uncle Shin- or was it Son?- waves on a bike nearby, and Jinyoung hurries to wave back.

 

So many names always made Jinyoung confused, but he tried his best to remember, since they were Jinyoung’s friends and Jinyoung loved them.

 

Jinyoung ducks into the tunnel, a dark, murky place and Jinyoung’s least favourite part of his journey from his house to Auntie Han’s- Jinyoung was always scared that some monster was going to get him, and he made it a point to run through the tunnel when he walked through it alone, since it was unlikely that anyone would be inside anyway.

 

Jinyoung zooms through the tunnel, his little feet clattering on the road, feeling carefree until-

 

“Oomf!”

 

Jinyoung crashes into something, and he stumbles, falling on his bottom.

 

Jinyoung rubs his sore butt-backside, grandma doesn’t like it when he uses language like that- and peers at what he bumped into.

 

It was not something, and was, rather, someone.

 

An old lady, dressed in rags and with two warts on her nose -Jinyoung looks away, since Grandma says it’s rude to stare- glares at Jinyoung menacingly, broken pieces of a pot on the ground -a mysterious purple liquid flowing out of it, and Jinyoung suddenly feels scared. Grandma never yelled at Jinyoung when he broke things, but she would purse her lips disapprovingly until Jinyoung promised to never, _ever_ do it again.

 

“You broke it.” The old lady rasps, shaking an accusing finger. “You broke my precious potion.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t know what ‘potion’ means, but he knows ‘precious’- Grandma calls Jinyoung that sometimes.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung hands his shiny new baton to the old lady -he really liked how the baton glittered under sunlight, but it seemed like this old lady needed something precious more. “You can have this instead! Don’t be upset, please!”

 

Jinyoung drags out the last syllable, putting on his biggest puppy dog eyes, but the old lady seems furious all the same.

 

“No!” The old lady growls, knocking Jinyoung’s baton to the ground. Before Jinyoung can scramble to pick it back up, the old lady grabs Jinyoung’s arm and hisses,”Everyone you love will die, boy, and you should know that it’s because of you.”

 

The old lady lets go of Jinyoung, and he screams, thoroughly terrified. Diving to retrieve the baton, Jinyoung runs away as fast as his stout little legs can, past the flourishing meadows, along the old rusty railway, past the golden fields and back home.

 

Once he’s back home, Jinyoung opens the door and ducks inside, slamming the door behind him with a loud _bang_. The lights flicker on, and the first thing he sees is his pet rabbit, Tofu, lying in the middle of the living room.

 

Jinyoung walks over to Tofu’s resting form hesitantly- _was Tofu sleeping?_

 

Gently, Jinyoung flips Tofu over, but Tofu doesn’t react.

 

“Tofu, wake up!” Jinyoung pats Tofu hurriedly, but Tofu doesn’t even budge.

 

 _Everyone you love will die,_ the parting words from the old lady earlier echo in Jinyoung’s head.

 

“Tofu! Tofu!” Jinyoung is crying now, big ugly tears rolling down his cheeks as he bawls. Grandma would disapprove, since Jinyoung’s a big boy now, but Jinyoung- _Grandma_.

 

Grandma would know what to do, she would wrap Jinyoung in one of her warm hugs and tell him _Jinyoungie shouldn’t cry, Tofu is just napping, everything will be okay._

 

“Grandma? Where are you?” Jinyoung stands up, looking for Grandma in the house, which suddenly seems so big, so dark, and so empty.

 

“Grandma?” Jinyoung peers into the kitchen. Nothing.

 

“Grandma?” Jinyoung climbs into the attic. Still no grandma.

 

_Everyone you love will die, boy, and you should know that it’s because of you._

 

“Grandma!” Jinyoung’s sobbing again as he ducks his head into his room. Grandma isn’t there.

 

Jinyoung twists open the doorknob to Grandma’s room, clutching the baton tightly like it’s his lifeline,”Grandma, please be here.”  

 

The door opens, and the baton in Jinyoung’s hand falls to the ground with a clatter.

 

“Grandma!”

 

\-----

 

_And the old witch snarled, nostrils quivering angrily, and said,”You, young one, you will never find love- everyone you love will die because of you._

 

_\-----_

 

_2018, Seoul_

 

Jinyoung picks up the last box of his belongings from the back of the pickup truck, waving to the driver as he drives away. He sets it on top of the pile of boxes on a trolley, frowning a little as the pile wobbles, balancing precariously.

 

Subsequently, Jinyoung feels something wet fall on his cheek, and he bites back a curse as he glances up at the graying sky. _Ah, damn it_ , he decides to try and push the lurching trolley to the lift area, before it starts to rain.

 

Jinyoung barely manages to walk a few steps when the box on the top -not the one with the dishes, thank god- falls down, spilling its contents on the floor. He can only sigh when his sweaters and shirts scatter on the road, before bending down to pick them all up.

 

White sweaters and freshly pressed shirts are folded neatly and put back into the box one by one, and Jinyoung groans at the thought of ironing all his work shirts again.

 

 _I really should’ve sealed the box after I got dressed_ , Jinyoung thinks as he glimpses lights from the apartments above his head. Great, his future neighbours could see him struggling in the middle of the street, what a splendid way to start a new life.

 

Not to mention that Jinyoung couldn’t tell anyone why he moved miles away from his Mokpo, his last sanctuary.

 

Ever since The Curse, Jinyoung had forbidden himself from developing any affection, no matter platonic or romantic, with anyone. It had taken his beloved grandmother, and didn’t even leave his pet rabbit.

 

After the unfortunate death of his grandmother, which Jinyoung hadn’t been able to fully comprehend at that time, he had been sent to his aunt who lived close enough. Aunt Heejung and her family were Jinyoung’s closest family, and she had been absolutely kind to Jinyoung, taking her in as if he was one of her own. Her two daughters had been gracious to Jinyoung as well, allowing him to read some of their old storybooks and whispering to each other about how cute Jinyoung was.

 

But Jinyoung had decided, he knew, even though he was still young- he could never love anyone again, he couldn’t cause anyone to die because of him and his stupid curse. So, after a warm, home-cooked dinner -the last Jinyoung had ever tasted-, Jinyoung had told his aunt that he didn’t want to live with her anymore.

 

Aunt Heejung had been dismissive at first, brushing it off as Jinyoung’s shyness and the shock of his Grandmother’s death, but Jinyoung then refused to talk to her or anyone else. Aunt Heejung started to worry, a social worker got involved, one thing led to another and arrangements were eventually made for Jinyoung to go to a boarding school far, far away from home.

 

Aunt Heejung had sent Jinyoung off with her family, hugging Jinyoung to her chest tightly, and Jinyoung could feel her tremble as she mumbled into his hair. But no, Jinyoung didn’t open his mouth to say anything, not even to say goodbye.

 

No one could die anymore, not because of him.

 

It had been a boy next, a dashing, charming boy called Wang Jackson. Jinyoung had played it cool at boarding school, deliberately putting up a closed-off front and speaking to his peers in only short clipped sentences, so unlike what he’d been when he was still a child. And as a result, most of the other students left him alone- all of them, except Wang Jackson who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

 

When Jinyoung cooped up in the library for a whole-day study session, Jackson would follow, snoring on the desk next to Jinyoung’s and dogging him around, only for Jinyoung to give him a slightly longer response. When Jinyoung decided to snooze in bed all day, Jackson forced his way into his room and sat in the armchair next to the bed, chattering aimlessly. Jackson insisted on doing everything with Jinyoung, even though all Jinyoung did was brush him off, and eventually, he grew on Jinyoung.

 

_2009, Jeju_

 

“Jinyoung!” Jinyoung wakes up to Jackson squealing loudly and climbing onto his bed. Jinyoung rubs his eyes blearily as Jackson forces his way into Jinyoung’s pile of blankets.

 

“What time is it?” Jinyoung asks, reaching for his phone on the bedside table, but Jackson stops him, pulling his arm back into the duvets.

 

“Too early,” Jackson yawns, not even bothering to open his eyes. “Go back to bed.”

 

Jinyoung settles back down, but he looks at Jackson, frowning a little. Jinyoung had begrudgingly let Jackson be his friend after years of the latter’s pestering, and he had to be lying to say that he didn’t enjoy Jackson’s company.

 

 _I just like him_ , Jinyoung resonates, _If I don’t love him, nothing bad will happen_.

 

But recently Jinyoung had been feeling things. His heart skipped a beat when Jackson leaned close or slung a friendly arm around him, and Jinyoung felt his cheeks heat up involuntarily when Jackson took off his shirt on the football field.

 

And Jinyoung wasn’t stupid, he saw how Jackson looked at him, all heated stares and loving gazes, and how Jackson snuggled close to him like right now. He knew he shouldn’t let this go on, but Jinyoung, selfish, _selfish_ Jinyoung, let whatever that was between them go on, telling himself that they were just fooling around, just having some harmless fun.

 

As long as no love was involved, everything was fine.

 

“Are you spacing out again?” Jackson cracks open one eye and laughs, warm and husky, stirring something a little more than liking in Jinyoung’s heart.

 

“Hmm?” Jinyoung mumbles, distracted by the way Jackson’s arms flex as he pulls up the duvets.

 

“Nothing.” Jackson breathes, and Jinyoung suddenly finds himself staring at Jackson’s lips, chapped but so red.

 

Jackson gulps, and Jinyoung feels Jackson’s face move closer and closer to his own, until he can almost feel the shadow of Jackson’s lips on Jinyoung’s.

 

Jackson’s lips part, and even in the close proximity Jinyoung can see how they’re almost shaped like rose petals- so, so lovely.

 

_So untouchable._

 

Jackson’s lips ghost over Jinyoung’s before he understands fully what’s about to happen, and Jinyoung jerks away.

 

Hurt flashes across Jackson’s face, “Wha-”

 

“I- I have to go.” Jinyoung stutters, climbing out of the and practically running away, leaving Jackson confused and alone.

 

Jinyoung applies to pull out of school the next day.

 

_2018, Seoul_

 

Jinyoung’s grip on the shirt falters as he curses, bending down to retrieve the shirt again.

 

_Why was he thinking about Jackson again?_

 

Jackson belonged to the past, along with Aunt Heejung and Youngjae, along with everyone who loved -had loved- Jinyoung and whom he had ran away from.

 

 _Right_ , Jinyoung grimaces.

 

Loving someone meant letting go sometimes, and Jinyoung was willing to bear the burden of being lonely if it meant that it could spare someone from his curse.

 

Jinyoung forces himself to stop dwelling on the past, gathering his clothes back into a box, just as it starts drizzling lightly. He frowns as his pile of boxes, stacked too high to be pushed on the trolley.

 

“Need a hand?” Someone asks next to Jinyoung, and he turns to find a man around his height next to him. He peers at the man briefly- not much could be seen because of the man’s black cap, obscuring most of his face.

 

Jinyoung shakes his head. He really could use a hand, but _stranger danger_ , Grandma used to say.

 

“Don’t worry,” The man, apparently a mind-reader, grins, showing two rows of blinding white teeth,”I live in this building too.”

 

“Oh,” Jinyoung doesn’t really know what to say to that, but he does know that it’s raining harder now, and the stranger with nice teeth is going to get drenched along with Jinyoung.

 

“Thank you, I guess.” Jinyoung takes the two largest boxes with his clothes in them, and hands it to the stranger, but he takes Jinyoung’s trolley instead and pushes it into the building effortlessly, with Jinyoung trailing after him with the boxes.

 

Jinyoung pinches his sore muscles from pushing the trolley for about ten seconds- he really should’ve made use of the free gym membership Youngjae gave him last year.

 

_Youngjae had been kind, too kind, as always._

 

The stranger strolls into a lift and glances at Jinyoung questioningly. Jinyoung frowns and follows, blinking hard.

 

He really had to stop thinking about his past.

 

Jinyoung presses the button to the twelve floor -apartment 12A, his new home- and combs through his wet fringe, soaked by the rain.

 

“Are you new to Seoul?” The man speaks again, and Jinyoung snaps to attention,”Yeah, I moved here from Mokpo.”

 

The man’s voice is deep and smooth, silky even, and he’s got to be a mind-reader, because how could he figure out that Jinyoung wasn’t from the city? Were his mannerisms too country and not urban enough?

 

“How did you-” Jinyoung starts to say, but flushes when he sees a subway map peeking out of one of the boxes on the trolley. _Ah, so that’s why._

 

The man laughs again, a booming, throaty chuckle, and Jinyoung watches as he takes of his cap, pushing his hair backwards. He’s good-looking, Jinyoung admits, with well-defined cheekbones and broad shoulders. He also has a unique birthmark, two moles just above his left eye, making the stranger look more fascinating and mysterious than he already is,

 

“Welcome to Seoul,” The stranger says with a wry quirk of his lips, and Jinyoung titters, feeling the most comfortable ever since he steps off the plane, as the lift slows down.

 

“I live on this floor, so thank you for your help and…” Jinyoung trails off, not knowing how to finish up.

 

It was a little too early for a _good evening_ , but _good afternoon_ felt weird.

 

“Oh, no worries,” The stranger says, pushing the open button for Jinyoung to pass. “I live on the twelve floor too.”

 

Slightly bewildered, Jinyoung thanks the man and heads out, the other following closely behind.

 

_Why was this stranger being so nice to him? Was he a stalker?_

 

“Uh, I live in 12A, so I can take it from here. Thank you again!” Jinyoung offers meekly, and the man hands the trolley back to him.

 

“It’s fine, I’ll see you around,” The stranger smiles at him and heads for the apartment right next to Jinyoung’s, just as Jinyoung fumbles for his own set of keys.

 

Jinyoung nearly drops his box as the stranger- Jinyoung still didn’t know his name-opens the door with ease, flashing Jinyoung one last grin as he slips inside his own apartment.

 

Jinyoung ends up fumbling with his luggage and keys for the next five minutes, and he blames his mysterious neighbour.

 

\----

 

Jinyoung dreams that night. It’s the same nightmare he’s had for so long, he’s lost track of how long he’s had it.

 

The dream goes like this: His Grandma is crying, shaking Jinyoung furiously as she blames him over and over for her death. Next to her stands Jackson and Youngjae, looking heartbroken and disgusted by Jinyoung.

 

And amidst the chaos is a voice, grave and dripping with venom: _You, young one, you will never find love- everyone you love will die because of you._

 

Jinyoung used to wake in the middle of the night, screaming and tears trailing down his face, but now Jinyoung just wakes with a frown. It hurts, it really does, but Jinyoung’s grown used to it.

 

Jinyoung wakes up in an unfamiliar room, walls painted a bright yellow instead of his dull gray walls in Mokpo, and sunshine streaming through the curtainless windows. He panics for a brief second, scrambling for his bullet journal, before realising that he goes to an online university now and he has yet to find a new job.

 

Jinyoung settles back in bed, glancing at his watch- 9:10 am. Too early.

 

Jinyoung had already unpacked a large portion of his stuff since he didn’t bring much, and his apartment had been furnished beforehand so Jinyoung didn’t have to take care of that as well. He only had to unpack his books and arrange them on the tall, oak bookshelf, right in the centre of his mostly empty apartment.

 

Jinyoung pulls up his blankets again, ready to go back to sleep, but his stomach rumbles- great.

 

Occupied with moving in and further rattled by his neighbour’s appearance, Jinyoung had completely forgotten to have dinner the night before- which meant that the last time he had eaten anything at all was around 2pm, at the airport where he had wolfed down two doughnuts.

 

And, yeah, okay, Jinyoung was _really_ hungry now.

 

Jinyoung crawls out of bed, not caring about his morning breath or messy hair as he makes for the kitchen, pulling a pan, a bowl, a whisk and a spatula out of the box on the counter. Fortunately, Jinyoung had at least had the foresight to buy some eggs before he got on the moving truck, so he could now make himself a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs.

 

Jinyoung cracks the eggs into the bowl, getting ready to beat the eggs when he suddenly realises.

 

 _He didn’t have any condiments._ Nevermind salt or pepper, Jinyoung didn’t even have sugar to go with his coffee.

 

Jinyoung’s stomach growls again at the mention of coffee, and Jinyoung panics- the eggs were just right there, and he really isn’t in the mood to go out and do some impromptu grocery shopping.

 

“What is it with Seoul, are big cities always so annoying?” Jinyoung complains out loud. “First the weird guy next door, now…” Jinyoung trails off.

 

His mysterious neighbour/ maybe stalker would have salt!

 

Jinyoung doesn’t even think about whether it would be weird to ask for some salt from his new (hot) neighbour before tossing two mints into his mouth -second impressions mattered-, and dragging his fingers through his hair carelessly. He leaves his own door open -what’s the point of locking it anyway?- and rings the doorbell of the apartment next to his.

 

His neighbour stumbles to the door after a few seconds, looking half awake with his hair sticking out in every direction -Jinyoung suddenly feels a lot less self-conscious about his messy hair- and rubbing his eyes drowsily.

 

“How many times have I told you, not any time before 10, J- Oh, it’s you.” His neighbour mumbles, and _fuck,_ his voice is even hotter now, impossibly deep, and it takes Jinyoung a few seconds to respond.

 

“I, I uh, wanted to borrow some salt and pepper? If you have any?” Jinyoung nearly chokes on his spit as Mr. Hot Neighbour stretches, t-shirt straining across his wide shoulders.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Jinyoung’s neighbour disappears for a moment and reappears with two dishes in hand.

 

“Here you go.” “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.” Jinyoung takes the salt and pepper, already feeling his stomach ache.

 

“Have a good day!” Jinyoung smiles a little at his neighbour and is just about to duck back into his apartment when the other man speaks,”Wait.”

 

Jinyoung turns back around slowly,”It’s okay, I’ll return the dishes once I’m done, so don’t-”

 

“I wasn’t talking about that.” His neighbour drawls leisurely, like a fat cat lying under the sun, ”What’s your name?”

 

Startled, Jinyoung almost drops the condiments,”Oh, it’s Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung.”

 

“I’m Jaebum.” Jinyoung’s neighbour grins broadly, and Jinyoung feels his heart skip a bit.

 

Fuck.

 

“Great name!” Jinyoung rambles, - _What the fuck, Jinyoung_ \- “I’ll just, uh, head back, to my apartment, you know-”

 

Jinyoung nods vaguely at the direction of his apartment, and damn near runs away from hot neighbour Jaebum.

 

Great start to a new life!


	2. WHO'S THAT

_1997, Busan_

 

Jinyoung’s earliest memory was his third birthday, when he had visited Aunt Heejung with his parents. He had only been three then, but he vividly remembered the warm sunlight of the beautiful summer day.

 

The sky had been the clearest shade of blue- “ _ha- neul_ ”, one of his girl cousins, teaches him, and Jinyoung mimics the shape of her lips, and everyone applauds politely when he manages to babble something similar-sounding.

 

They gather in Aunt Heejung’s garden, under the oak tree, and have some frozen treats to cool them down. Mother peels a mango for Jinyoung (“mwang-go”, Jinyoung warbles to himself.) and Jinyoung tastes the sweet, fresh fruit. Father carries Jinyoung on his shoulders and lifts him up, up and up, until he’s as tall as the tree and Jinyoung feels like he’s flying along with the birds in the sky.

 

Jinyoung laughs, breathless, until it’s time to go home.

 

It had been a good day, that one.

 

But that was before Jinyoung’s parents died in a shipwreck- Jinyoung didn’t even remember the funeral clearly, he was too overwhelmed by so, so many strangers in black clothes, he only clung to Grandma, who wrapped Jinyoung in her arms and told him everything was fine, Mother and Father were just away for a short while, etc, etc.- and Jinyoung was cursed to never love again.

 

It was no doubt lonely, and often quite sad, but Jinyoung was fine with it. His own suffering meant nothing if it could prevent more deaths and heartbreaks.

 

_2018, Seoul_

 

Jinyoung starts going over to Jaebum’s place to borrow necessities that he’s yet to buy- Hell, he doesn’t talk to people just for some friendly chit-chat, he needs connections, people he can count on for a favour when he needs one. But, Jinyoung thinks as he presses Jaebum’s doorbell for a pen (he’s shockingly discovered that he left all his stationary in Mokpo), he might have came to enjoy his neighbour’s wry smiles.

 

“Hey,” Jaebum leans against the door as if he had been expecting Jinyoung. “What’s it gonna be today?”

 

“Oh, I need a pen for my job application,” Jinyoung answers, staring at Jaebum’s feet, where a tiny Siamese cat curled.

 

Jaebum notices Jinyoung’s staring and smiles, picking up the cat as it purrs indignantly,”This is Nora, she can be grumpy sometimes.”

 

Jinyoung stares as Jaebum coos lovingly at the cat, scratching her behind the ears as she purrs contentedly. Jaebum pus Nora down and starts to walk away, and Jinyoung must’ve been really distracted by the way Jaebum’s eyes curve into crescents, because he blurts, ”Where are you going?”

 

“Your pen, remember?” Jinyoung catches a flash of Jaebum’s grin, even in Jaebum’s dimly-lit apartment, and he flushes. Nora meows at him, as if to say _Why are you talking to my dad?_

 

Jaebum emerges just as Jinyoung crouches down to pet Nora, grinning at the two of them, the warm smile on his face enough to send a pang through Jinyoung’s heart.

 

“Thanks.” Jinyoung says, taking the pen, but Jaebum’s still looking at him.

 

“You know, you don’t have to come up with so many excuses if you wanted to see me, right?” Jaebum asks, a teasing lilt to his voice.

 

“I- I’m not?” Jinyoung blushes, and Nora scurries away as Jaebum lets out a roaring laugh.

 

“Visiting neighbours, it’s a thing city folk do, right?” Jinyoung frowns. Had he been too weird and annoying?

 

“No, no, I don’t mind you visiting, it’s just that you should really buy some household necessities.” Jaebum chuckles, and Jinyoung raises his eyebrows, ”Oh.”

 

“Could I give you my number, perhaps?”

 

Jinyoung hands over his phone, watching as Jaebum keys in his number.

 

“There, now you can text me if you need anything.” Jaebum grins, boyish and handsome, and Jinyoung barely manages to mutter a faint _okay_.

 

“It’s not weird or inconvenient for you, right?” Jinyoung asks, still uncertain.

 

“It’s fine,” Jaebum’s still smiling,”I’d like to get to know you better too, Jinyoung.”

 

“So are we friends?” Jinyoung feels pouty and childish the seconds the words slip out, but Jaebum’s answering grin, brighter than any star, makes his momentary embarrassment worth it.

 

“Yeah, friends.” Jaebum breathes, as if he’s just as amazed about this as Jinyoung is.

 

Jinyoung allows himself to stare at Jaebum and his ridiculously beautiful face for a few more seconds before turning back to his own apartment, which suddenly seems empty and unwelcoming.

 

“See you around.”

 

“Yeah, bye.”

 

(Jaebum texts him two hours later, it’s a picture of Nora clawing at the door, captioned: _guess who misses you already._

 

Jinyoung smiles, halfway into his job application form, and texts Jaebum back: _give me your cat and i’ll never borrow any necessities from you again._ )

 

The job application for a nearby cafe is simple- it just needs some of his personal information, his previous catering-related work experience, and a brief rundown of his education.

 

Jinyoung finishes the first part easily, it’s just basic stuff like his name and address. He figures he’ll probably get the job, since the owner, a young-looking guy called Mark, seemed short on staff. The only two other boys had seemed so young, too -Jinyoung wasn’t even sure if they were working age- and judging from how they had preened at Jinyoung in favour of serving guests, Jinyoung guessed they weren’t the best at their jobs either.

 

He smiles as he gets to the next section- he was lucky that he had helped out at a restaurant back in Mokpo, at least he wouldn’t have to leave the whole part empty.

 

Ah, Mokpo, Jinyoung winces.

 

\------

 

_Mokpo, 2017_

 

“Hyung!” Youngjae calls from somewhere in the room, and Jinyoung buries his head further into his blankets, but it’s already too late.

 

“Hyung!” Youngjae yells again, so loud that Jinyoung hears him even under the mountain of blankets. Jinyoung rolls over as a final attempt to go back to sleep.

 

“Hyung!” Youngjae pulls open the curtains, letting bright sunshine spill into the room. Jinyoung groans and further sticks his head into the covers, but it’s already too late: Youngjae hops onto him, pulling down his covers, and Jinyoung almost swears.

 

Almost, almost- Youngjae was too pure for any swearing.

 

“What is it?” Jinyoung says grumpily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“Sorry, hyung,” Youngjae smiles sheepishly, climbing off Jinyoung. “Just got a little excited.”

 

Jinyoung wants to be angry, he really does- he’s stayed up all night finishing an essay, and he’s beyond tired- but he could never be (or stay) mad at Youngjae anyway.

 

Youngjae had been Jinyoung’s only friend after Jackson. After he moved away from boarding school, he had transferred to a school in Mokpo which only had 60 students. He successfully managed to stay a loner until graduation, and he found himself struggling to find a place to live in. (Cons of online college, Jinyoung would say)

 

Jinyoung had managed to find a cheap room for rent, but he only found out that the room came with a roommate the first day he moved in. Youngjae was a cheerful, friendly boy who oozed natural charm and was every bit as adorable as Jackson was clingy (in a good way).

 

Soon, Youngjae had successfully awoken Jinyoung’s maternal instincts, and Jinyoung finally made his second friend in years.

 

 _Being friends was fine_ , Jinyoung told himself. He just had to maintain a careful distance, and everything would be alright.

 

“Hyung?” Youngjae looks at him, confused, and Jinyoung realizes that he’s been spacing out again. “Yeah, what’s it?” Jinyoung can’t help but ruffle Youngjae’s hair, flopping on his forehead messily but cutely.

 

“Do you want to help out at this restaurant with me?” Youngjae beams, and honestly, how could Jinyoung ever say no to that smile? “They’re hiring two, and they offer pretty good terms!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Jinyoung mumbles, still half asleep. Jinyoung really should start taking care of his own expenses anyway, he hated depending on his aunt, who sent him money every month even at his fierce insistence that she didn’t have to.

 

And that, that was how he ended up working in a small Korean restaurant with Youngjae for about three months, helping out whenever he got some time.

 

\-----

 

_Seoul, 2018_

 

Jinyoung smiles bitterly at the memory. He had been stupid to let someone worm into his defenses not just once, but twice.

 

He was too selfish, too dangerous to be around.

 

He scribbles the rest of the form hastily and scans his answers quickly before slipping into his comfortable loafers and heading out to hand in the form.

 

Jinyoung glances at Jaebum’s door as he locks up, hearing faint voices inside.

 

His neighbour was probably still at home, but Jinyoung didn’t see any reason to go bother him. Jaebum had somehow started feeling more like a friendly acquaintance rather than just a stranger, and Jinyoung had to admit that he was happy to have someone to talk to.

 

Distancing himself from everyone else made Jinyoung feel almost painfully lonely at times, and he was always grateful for someone who stopped to make conversation, even though he knew he couldn’t build lasting relationships with them.

 

The walk to the cafe doesn’t take long, and Jinyoung absentmindedly types a reply to Jaebum, who’s sent a video of Nora meowing and scratching at the door: _you may address me as the animal whisperer_.

 

Jaebum’s reply is speedy but brief: _never_.

 

Jinyoung imagines Jaebum, deceptively intimidating, gritting his teeth as he tries to coax Nora back into his arms, and he can’t help it- he sniggers right outside the cafe, earning a few weird looks from a couple of curious passersby.

 

Jinyoung hurriedly schools his expressions into an indifferent but polite mask as he pockets his phone and ducks into the cafe, hoping that none of the staff had seen him slip up outside.

 

Bells tinkle to welcome Jinyoung inside as he stumbles into the cafe, the warm aroma of freshly baked goods wrapping around Jinyoung like a towel fresh out of the dryer.

 

There aren’t many customers in the cafe, just a couple seated near the window and an old man with a copy of the Seoul Times obstructing his face from view.

 

Two boys stand at the counter, and Jinyoung gives them both a once over. They both seem young, new high school graduates, probably. One of the boys is tall, taller than Jinyoung, even, but he has these edgy- was that the ‘in’ term now?- dangly earrings that make Jinyoung touch his unpierced earlobes self-consciously.

 

 _Jaebum would probably wear those earrings_ , Jinyoung thinks, as a smaller, more rational part of his brain tells him to _stop thinking about Jaebum!_

 

The shorter boy has an exotic look to him- he gives off a careless yet refined vibe, from his bright red hair to his plush lips. They both look too stylish to just be working in a tiny cafe, and Jinyoung fidgets with his application form awkwardly, already regretting wearing his favourite loose slacks that seem horribly out-of-place in a place like this.

 

Jinyoung considers leaving and tossing his application into the trash, but then the boys speak.

 

“Hello,” The two boys say in a monotone, freakishly in sync. Jinyoung nearly jumps as they bow together, faces devoid of any emotion,”How may we help you?”

 

“Uh, no, I was just… looking around.” Jinyoung has a violent flashback of the twins from The Shining, and he inches towards the exit, ready to make a run from the teen boys now sporting matching maniacal grins.

 

“You’re doing that thing again, aren’t you?” A voice from the back stops Jinyoung in his tracks. “Stop it, you two!”

 

A handsome blond boy, apron caked with flour, emerges from the back room, and Jinyoung vaguely recognizes him as the owner of the cafe from his first visit.

 

The two boys break out in cackles as the blond glares at them. “You’re no fun, hyung!” The taller one chirps, and the shorter boy sniggers in agreement,”Did you see his face? That was priceless!”

 

The owner sighs, seemingly used to their antics,”You two are going to scare away all our potential customers, I don’t even know why I still keep you guys around.”

 

“That’s because you love us!” The red-haired boy gloats, crossing his arms. He looks so ridiculously proud of himself like he’s been crowned the king of the universe or something, that Jinyoung can’t help but laugh, his laughter reminding the staff of his presence.

 

His laugh seems bulky and awkward in the quiet (mostly) cafe, and Jinyoung can’t help but fold a little into himself as the trio turns to look at him.

 

The bells chinkle merrily as one of the customers leave, and Jinyoung feels his heart plummet. _Goodbye, decent job opportunity._

 

The owner, surprisingly, doesn’t yell at Jinyoung for chasing away his customer. He smiles, impossibly angelic in contrast to his prior exasperated attitude,”I’m so sorry, Yugyeom and Bambam mess around sometimes, may I take your order?”

 

“No, uh, I’m actually here for a job,” Jinyoung hands over his application form, equally bewildered and relieved.

 

“Oh! That’s a relief,” The owner beams, barely giving the form a glance before extending his hand for Jinyoung to shake.

 

“I’m Mark, can’t wait to work with you!”

 

Jinyoung blinks,”I’m- I’m hired?”

 

“Yeah,” Mark grips Jinyoung’s hand, brief but warm. “We’re a little short of competent staff here, as you can see.”

 

“Hey!” The shorter boy protests, but he grins sunnily at Jinyoung,”I’m Bambam, what’s your name, hyung with grandma pants?”

 

“Be polite.” Mark says at the same time Jinyoung replies,”I’m Jinyoung, nice to meet you.”

 

“My name’s Yugyeom.” The taller boy cocks his head at Jinyoung curiously, like a large dog.

 

(Jinyoung decides that he likes his colleagues already, although everything seems slightly hectic.)

 

“Yeah, just show up at 8 tomorrow, we’ll add you to the cafe group chat later.” Mark doesn’t forget to send him another smile before walking back into the back room, and Jinyoung nods numbly, trying to keep his cool.

 

“Welcome to Blur,” The red-headed boy, Bambam, grins, and Jinyoung can’t help but smile back.

 

“See you tomorrow!” Yugyeom waves, and Jinyoung leaves the cafe feeling lighter than he’s been in the past week.

 

Jinyoung takes a detour to the supermarket on the way back, finally picking up some household necessities. He also buys a small strawberry tart at the bakery for Jaebum, as a token of thanks for his help.

 

His phone pings with a series of text notifications as he gets home, and he shifts the cake box to his other arm to fish out his phone.

 

_You have 5 unread texts:_

_bluuuuuuuuuuuuur (3)_

_Im Jaebum (2)_

 

Jinyoung smiles a little at the messages from his new co-workers, but opts to open the texts from Jaebum first.

 

_Im Jaebum: I ordered pizza, want a slice?_

_Im Jaebum: I have a friend over but he’s okay, just annoying_

 

Jinyoung struggles to get through the door to the apartment and press the lift button, but types out a reply regardless.

 

_You: Sure, if I’m not interrupting -I got some tart for you!_

 

Jaebum’s reply brings a smile to Jinyoung’s face: _He won’t mind, he’s been waiting to meet this cute neighbour of mine_.

 

The lift doors slide open, and Jinyoung takes small steps to Jaebum’s apartment, careful not to spill anything.

 

Jinyoung stops outside Jaebum’s door, rereading Jaebum’s text, in case he had misinterpreted.

 

Wait- _did Jaebum call him cute?_

 

A blush rises on Jinyoung’s cheeks involuntarily, and he shakes his head once, twice. Jaebum was probably just joking around, or just repeating what his (shady) friend had said.

 

Jinyoung shoves his phone back into his huge pocket -one of the best features of his loose pants- and knocks on the door. He hears Jaebum’s voice, calling for his friend to _get your filthy hands off Nora_ and to _open the fucking door_ , and he fumbles for an introduction to this mysterious friend of Jaebum’s. The words spill out of Jinyoung’s mouth as soon as the door cracks open,“Hi, my name’s Jinyoung, I’m here for-”

 

“Oh, hey, Jaebum’s cute neighbour that he never shuts-”

 

It’s a familiar face that greets Jinyoung as the door opens. He’s gotten taller and more muscular, but Jinyoung could never forget those chocolate brown eyes and that bright smile, not when he saw him in his nightmares, dreams, every night.

 

“Jackson?”

 

Jackson, all grown up and right there, just in front of Jinyoung opens his mouth, but only a whisper comes out.

 

“Jinyoung?” Jackson nearly gasps, like he’s just seen a ghost.

 

(And wasn’t it so, Jinyoung had pretty much died as far as Jackson was concerned after that night.)

 

“Hurry up, it’s cold outside.” Jaebum’s voice comes faintly from inside the apartment, and Jackson looks away.

 

“Come in,” Jackson jerks his chin, motioning for Jinyoung to go inside, eyes stubbornly looking anywhere but at Jinyoung. “It’s cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i'll probably update once every two weeks since i am Greedy and working on another, thing, but i'll be updating soon! thank you for the lovely kudos and comments and i hope you liked:))))))))))
> 
> 20180323


	3. SICK

_ “Jinyoung?” Jackson nearly gasps, like he’s just seen a ghost.  _

 

_ (And wasn’t it so, Jinyoung had pretty much died as far as Jackson was concerned after that night.)  _

 

_ “Hurry up, it’s cold outside.” Jaebum’s voice comes faintly from inside the apartment, and Jackson looks away.  _

 

_ “Come in,” Jackson jerks his chin, motioning for Jinyoung to go inside, eyes stubbornly looking anywhere but at Jinyoung. “It’s cold.” _

 

Jaebum is sitting on the floor when they walk in with grim faces,  waving a pink toy mouse in front of Nora. Nora meows in protest as Jaebum hides the mouse behind in back, mischievous grin threatening to split his face in half, and Jinyoung almost smiles at this before catching himself. 

 

“Hey, you’re here.” Jaebum looks up in greeting, smile disappearing as soon as he sees Jinyoung and Jackson’s faces. 

 

“Yeah, sorry for intruding,” Jinyoung puts down the tart on Jaebum’s dining table, ready to escape in case Jackson hits him. Or worse, Jackson starts talking to him. 

 

(Jinyoung deserves it, though. He deserves whatever Jackson wants to throw at him.)

 

_ Jeju, 2009 _

 

Jinyoung throws all his clothes into his suitcase, not caring if his shirts wrinkle or his ties tangle together. He puts his books in last, stacking each prized copy on top of the clothes. He’s got his documents ready, and with a one-way ticket to Mokpo in hand, he zips up his suitcase and walks outside, not sparing one last gaze for his room, his safe haven in the last few years. 

 

Jinyoung gets down the stairs with great difficulty, and he can’t help but wish he had an extra pair of hands to-  _ No _ , Jinyoung tells himself,  _ no more thinking about Jackson _ . 

 

It’s drizzling when Jinyoung gets to the school gates, breathing hard from hauling the suitcase downstairs. He sighs, but still doesn’t pause to take out his umbrella. His taxi is here, waiting for him, and the taxi driver helps him fit his tattered suitcase into the trunk. 

 

The suitcase barely fits in the trunk, but it starts pouring just as they’re done, and Jinyoung ducks into the backseat with his backpack (heavy with more books), grateful that he doesn’t drench his only winter coat. He’s about to close the door when someone grabs the door, forcing it open. 

 

“What-” Jinyoung peers outside, irritated. Was the grumpy janitor here to ask about the missing broom last month again? 

 

Jinyoung had told him over and over that he didn’t know who did it, but the janitor was still suspicious. With good reason too, since Jinyoung witnessed Jackson snapping the broom in half in a poor attempt to fly on it like someone from Harry Potter. 

 

Jinyoung had laughed so hard he almost cried, but he sure wasn’t laughing now. 

 

Jackson’s tear-stained face greets Jinyoung, and it takes all of Jinyoung’s might to control his shaking. 

 

“Are you- are you leaving?” Jackson asks, voice quivering and eyes filled with hurt. Jinyoung nods sharply, afraid of what he might say if he opens his mouth. 

 

“Jinyoung, please tell me what’s wrong, I can fix it, we can do this together, please-” Jackson pleads, and Jinyoung just looks at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears and unspoken words. 

 

“Jinyoung, I love you-” Jackson’s voice cracks, and Jinyoung knows how it feels now, to have his heart broken in half. 

 

He’s already in too deep, he has to let go.  

 

“I don’t- I never loved you.” Jinyoung lies, slamming the door shut and instructing the driver to drive away, pretending that he doesn’t see Jackson crying, soaked by the unforgiving rain. 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t cry, not until he’s on the plane, when there’s no turning back. 

 

I can’t love you, I don’t love you.

 

_ I’m sorry. _

 

_ Seoul, 2018 _

 

“Jinyoung?”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t even notice that he’s zoned out, not until Jaebum waves his hand tentatively in front of Jinyoung’s face, trying to get his attention. 

 

“Yeah, sorry I spaced out,” Jinyoung rubs his eyes, looking around. Jaebum smiles, relieved, and Jinyoung allows himself to bask in the peace and quiet atmosphere of Jaebum’s apartment- wait, where was Jackson?

 

“Where’s Jackson?” Jinyoung blurts, regretting the words as soon as they spill out of his mouth. This was supposed to be his first meeting with Jackson, as far as Jaebum was concerned!

 

“How did you know his name?” Jaebum frowns, nose scrunched up cutely, but Jinyoung can’t bring himself to notice, his telltale heartbeat racing. 

 

“I mean, where’s your friend? He was just here, righ-” Jinyoung stammers, struggling to find a passable excuse for his slip-up. Jaebum frowns, not looking convinced, and Jinyoung nearly cries. Losing friends -yes, Jinyoung considered Jaebum his friend at this point, when he could show up to Jaebum’s place uninvited for favours and Nora pretty much adored Jinyoung anyway- still hurt, no matter how many times Jinyoung cut ties with anyone he was afraid of hurting. 

 

_ And just when things were looking up too... _

 

Jaebum erupts into loud, boisterous laughter, shoulders shaking, and Jinyoung stares, open-mouthed. 

 

_ What in the world- _

 

“Jackson told me you two were school friends before he left, calm down,” Jaebum explains, wiping at his eyes, and Jinyoung’s shoulders sag in relief. 

 

“That wasn’t funny!” Jinyoung jokingly glares at Jaebum, but a face-splitting grin pulls at his lips, and he’s laughing along with Jaebum in seconds. 

 

“It was, you should’ve seen your face.” Jaebum giggles, uncharacteristically childish, and Jinyoung offers an awkward chuckle. 

 

“Jackson’s cool, don’t worry,” Jaebum takes Jinyoung’s relief as nervousness and claps him on the back. “You don’t have to feel so weird about knowing him.” 

 

But Jinyoung can’t help but worry, as always. “What else did Jackson say about me?” He asks, schooling his facial expressions into one of casual interest, even though he’s freaking out inside. 

 

Did Jackson tell Jaebum? Honestly, Jinyoung wouldn’t be surprised if he did. 

 

“Oh, he didn’t say much. He left pretty quickly.” Jaebum seems none the wiser, warm smile hanging on his lips as he hands Jinyoung a slice of pepperoni pizza. 

 

“Oh?” Jinyoung blanks for a moment as Jaebum bends down to feed Nora, exposing a strip of pale skin on his back.  _ Please stop _ , his last functioning brain cells beg, and Jinyoung clears his throat loudly. 

 

“Yeah?” Jaebum’s still holding the slice of pizza in one hand, as he scratches Nora behind her ear with the other. “Are you going to take it or not?” 

 

“Sorry,” Jinyoung belatedly realises that he’s zoned out again, and reaches over to take the slice. The pizza’s still warm, and Jaebum thoughtfully hands him a piece or tissue so his hands won’t get dirty. 

 

“Sure thing,” Jaebum hums, the only noise in the apartment being Nora’s contented purrs and Jinyoung is suddenly aware of how awkward they are. 

 

For once, he actually wishes Jackson was there to liven up the mood.  _ Ahh, Jackson... _

 

“Sorry for barging in, by the way,” Jinyoung says, “I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have left if I didn’t show up.” 

 

“Nah, Jackson was leaving to visit his boyfriend anyway,” Jaebum wipes away the pizza crumbs on his lips, and Jinyoung feels his breath hitch. 

 

“Jackson has a  _ boyfriend _ ?” It comes out as an incredulous expression, but Jinyoung catches himself at the last second, feigning curiosity. 

 

“Yup,” Jaebum shoves the last of his pizza in his mouth, and Jinyoung comprehends the fact that his sort-of first love has a boyfriend now as Jaebum chews. 

 

“They’ve been dating for a few months, but I don’t think it’ll work out in the long run.” Jaebum takes a long sip of Cola. 

 

“Yeah?” Jinyoung doesn’t feel assured - _ of what? _ -, though, just guilt pricking at his heart like stray thorns on a red rose. 

 

Jaebum nods and stands up, with Jinyoung mirroring the action- he’s been inconveniencing his neighbour for too long now. 

 

“His boyfriend’s too old for him, he’s got to be twenty years older,” Jinyoung’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets-  _ Twenty years? Damn, the man had to be over forty. _

 

“They’ve always seemed more like friends, anyway.” Jaebum shrugs, and Jinyoung edges towards the door. 

 

“I’ll be going now, I have work tomorrow.” Jinyoung can’t help but smile a little at the thought of his lively workplace, and Jaebum grins at him, broad and warm, and Jinyoung feels his stomach flip. 

 

“Congratulations on getting the job, I knew you had it in you!” Jaebum reaches out to (maybe?) pat Jinyoung on the arm, but apparently decides against it, resting his arm on the shoe rack instead. 

 

“Yeah, uh, see you around!” Jinyoung lingers in the hallway, his smile wavering at the sudden tension in the air. 

 

“Don’t worry about Jackson, it’s time he dated around after you know…” Jaebum’s smile dulls a little as Jinyoung slips on his shoes. 

 

“He got his heart broken by some guy in high school, I think- not sure about the details though.” Jaebum shrugs and smiles, an attempt at lightening the atmosphere, but Jinyoung barely manages to force a stiff smile. 

 

Jinyoung walks back to his apartment, suddenly tired without any physical exertion, and not even the ugly selfies from his new colleagues in the Blur chat make him crack a smile. 

 

_ Mokpo, 2017 _

 

“Hyung, did you ever date anyone? Like, back in school?” Youngjae asks from his mountain of blankets, chomping noisily on some cookies. “Come on, you know I took online classes.” Jinyoung mumbles, sipping on some hot chocolate. 

 

The two had decided to get some studying done together, since it was snowing too hard for them to go out. But judging from Jinyoung’s blank laptop screen and Youngjae’s pile of cookie wrappers, they weren’t doing a good job at doing, well, anything. 

 

“Yeah,” Youngjae chews thoughtfully for a second, and Jinyoung breathes out, relieved that Youngjae seems somewhat convinced. 

 

“There had to be someone, though?” Youngjae murmurs, a bit like he’s talking to himself, as Jinyoung focusing on chewing and not the roaring in his ears, but it’s too late. 

 

Memories of Jackson, memories made with Jackson, they all flood to the front of Jinyoung’s brain. Snowball fights which involved more laughing than roughhousing, staying up to watch meteor showers on the school’s rooftop, sharing ice cream cones in the school yard. 

 

Near kisses, so many of them, the taste of lingering sugar and regret. 

 

“No,” Jinyoung swallows, the sweet chocolate feeling almost bitter in his throat. “There wasn’t everyone at all.” 

 

_ Seoul, 2018 _

 

Life goes on, Jinyoung tells himself as he walks to his new workplace the next day. 

 

He might be utterly miserable, but he still has rent to pay, a life to live, and on top of all things, a past to run away from forever. 

 

Bells chime merrily as Jinyoung ducks underneath the ‘closed sign’ hanging outside the cafe door. There’s a momentary beat of silence as Jinyoung stands in the middle of the cafe, shuffling his feet awkwardly. 

 

“Tittysocks!” Jinyoung jumps, startled as a loud screech and a crash come from the kitchen, followed by muttered swearing. Mark walks out of the kitchen, looking like he’s ready to kill someone until he spots Jinyoung in the corner. 

 

“Hey, you’re early.” Mark greets, and Jinyoung smiles hesitantly,”Yeah, sorry.”

 

“Don’t be, we’re glad for the extra help.” Mark grabs a broom leaning on the wall, gesturing for Jinyoung to move inside. Jinyoung follows Mark into the kitchen, where he’s greeted by Yugyeom lying on the floor next to a broken bowl as the other boy, Bamboo- Jinyoung wonders for a moment if that’s his real name- clings onto Mark, wailing dramatically. 

 

“What-” Jinyoung splutters incredulously as Yugyeom, still flat on the ground, cracks open an eye to stare at him. 

 

“Oh, hey,” Yugyeom fixes his open eye on Jinyoung, who shifts a little, putting his bag on the counter. 

 

“Bambam broke Mark-hyung’s mixing bowl.” Yugyeom continues, by way of explaining as Bambam - _ Oh, so that’s his name, _ Jinyoung thinks- sobs into Mark’s pant leg, the owner seemingly unbothered as he cleans up the mess. 

 

“Oh.” Jinyoung tries to come up with a fitting response as Mark tosses Bambam aside with no more than an exasperated huff. 

 

Bambam rolls to the side, whining, “Hyung, please, my laptop’s new, I saved up for five months, fuck-” Mark fixes Bambam with a steely glare, and Jinyoung watches, awestruck, as the boy blanches,”Shit, I meant brainless sock- wait, no, fu-” 

 

Bambam finally spots Jinyoung, hovering in the corner, and Jinyoung only has a silver of a second to register Bambam’s maniacal grin as he wraps all his limbs around his body. 

 

“My savior!” Bambam yells, his arms tangled around Jinyoung’s shoulders and skinny legs winding around Jinyoung’s ankles. 

 

“Mmmph-” Jinyoung tries to say something, but Bambam only squeezes him tighter. 

 

“Bambam.” 

 

Bambam gets off Jinyoung (with some difficulty, since his bracelet’s caught on Jinyoung’s jacket button) as Mark sighs, looking more like a kindergarten teacher than a cafe owner as Bambam drops to the floor, flopping on Yugyeom’s body in an undignified heap.

 

“Yeah.” Mark concludes as Jinyoung stares. He hands Jinyoung an apron, folded surprisingly neatly,”Here’s your uniform, the changing room’s that way.” 

 

“This-” Jinyoung grimaces at the boys, tangled together on the floor, but Mark only exhales,”We still have an hour until we open, thankfully.” 

 

Jinyoung hurries to the changing room then, not wanting Mark to answer more of his questions. He puts on the apron, again, shockingly simplistic with ‘Blur’ written on it in a purple scrawl.

 

Jinyoung squints at his reflection in the mirror- he looks young, sleep-deprived, and nervous. He rubs his cheeks, a poor attempt at getting colour in his cheeks, and stands up straight. 

 

_ You can do this, Jinyoung. _ He tells himself sternly, and marches out of the tiny space before he chickens out. 

 

Yugyeom and Bambam are up when Jinyoung emerges, huddled over something as Mark slides a tray to the oven. They look up when Jinyoung walks closer, and Jinyoung catches a glimpse of something purple. 

 

“Ta-da!” Bambam lifts up a cupcake, drizzled with what seemed like ketchup. 

 

( _ I hope that’s not blood, _ Jinyoung thinks as he has a sudden vision of the witch in Hansel and Gretel, luring in children to eat them)

 

“We were going to whip up some icing, but Bambam broke Mark’s bowl.” Yugyeom eplains with a tint of regret to his voice as Jinyoung taes the cupcake with caution, using both hands. 

 

“Don’t worry, it’s not poisoned.” Mark appears next to Yugyeom, smiling as Jinyoung looks more closely at the cupcake. “They’re crazy kids, but they generally sober up right before opening hours.”

 

“I- I don’t really know what to say, but thank you-” Jinyoung turns the cupcake to the side, and finally sees that the scribble  _ kind of _ resembles a very messy JY. 

 

Jinyoung takes a bite of the cupcake- it’s tasty, layered with thick cream and sweet blueberries. “Wow, this is really good.” He exclaims through a mouthful of cake. 

 

Bambam grins, “We came to work early to bake this for you, so it better be the best motherfuc- okay, sorry, thing you’ve ever eaten.” 

 

Jinyoung finishes the cupcake in a few bites, pleasantly surprised by how hungry he is. 

 

Mark claps his hands together when Jinyoung’s done,”Alright, let’s get to work.” 

 

Bambam teaches Jinyoung how to make the drink menu as Mark bakes and Yugyeom greets customers at the cashier- he gets the hang of it pretty quickly, and after his lunch break, Bambam lets him serve a latte to one of the customers, a young schoolgirl with floppy bangs who blushes as Jinyoung hands her the drink. 

 

“She thinks you’re hot shit,” Bambam whispers as the girl scampers away and Jinyoung attempts a cappuccino. 

 

“I thought you weren’t allowed to swear,” Jinyoung notes wryly as he presses a button to grind the coffee beans. Bambam winks,”Yeah, but Mark-hyung’s not her-Oh, Mark HYUNG -GO BACK INSIDE, WE’RE SHORT ON CHEESECAKES.”

 

Yugyeom sniggers as Mark smacks Bambam on the head, and Jinyoung allows a small laugh. 

 

The day passes pretty uneventfully, to Jinyoung’s relief, much unlike one of his days in the restaurant back in Mokpo. 

 

_ Mokpo, 2017  _

 

The restaurant owner, an old lady who insists that Jinyoung and Youngjae call her Auntie Min, teaches Jinyoung how to slice the carrots into thin slices with a kind smile. 

 

“You’re doing great, Jinyoung!” She praises, and Jinyoung can’t help but smile as he places the carrot slices in a bowl, ready to be made into stirred glass noodles. He’s about to heat up the stove to prepare some kimchi jjigae when a piercing yelp rings through the kitchen. 

 

Youngjae’s clutching his hand when Jinyoung hurries to his side. Blood gushes out of a cut on his finger, and Auntie Min hurries to get a first-aid kit. 

 

“Youngjae, are you okay? I’ll take you to the hospital, don’t worry-” Jinyoung fusses, practically cradling Youngjae’s injured hand as he guides him to sit down at the side. 

 

“I’m fine, hyung, it’s just a cut.” Youngjae protests, but Jinyoung still worries. Auntie Min sets down the first-aid kit before hurrying off to attend to some customers, and Jinyoung dabs around Youngjae’s cut with disinfectant gently. 

 

“Hyung, it’s okay, really-” Youngjae says again whenJinyoung wraps his wound with maybe a little too much bandage, but yet, Jinyoung frets. 

 

“Jae-ah, you play the piano, you have to be careful, you know.” Jinyoung says, finally done with the task and settling back to admire his handiwork. 

 

Auntie Min drops by to see how they’re doing after a while,”Feeling better there, Youngjae?” 

 

“Yes, I’m all good now!” Youngjae beams, and Jinyoung can’t help but ruffle his hair fondly. 

 

“Jinyoung really loves you, Youngjae, you’re a lucky boy.” Auntie Min chuckles with Youngjae nodding along, but the smile on Jinyoung’s face fades. 

 

_ Was this love? _

 

_ Seoul, 2018 _

 

Jinyoung’s new job starts off to somewhat of an unorthodox start, but he adapts soon enough. He finds himself enjoying working at Blur, from serving at the cashier with Yugyeom to trying (and failing) at making 3D latte art with Bambam to baking goodies in the kitchen with Mark. 

 

Jinyoung gets to know some of the cafe’s regulars too- there’s a teenage ( _ Aspiring _ , they say;  _ wannabe _ , Jinyoung thinks privately) rock band consisting of a few gangly boys,  the gaggle of school girls who seem to double in number every time they visit, actual professional model Suzy who’s friends with Bambam for some reason, an old man, who judges them messing around behind the counter as he peers over his newspaper, and even entrepreneur Mr. Park who hilariously shares a name with Jinyoung.  

 

And of course, Jaebum. 

 

They manage to keep in contact, even with Jinyoung’s new job, and Jaebum’s producing work, which he tells Jinyoung about during a lift ride. They text each other quite a lot, sending simple snapshots of stray cats, a particularly pathetic attempt at latte art, the evening sky, everything. 

 

Jinyoung shyly invites Jaebum to stop at Blur when they run into each other at the building’s entrance, and Jaebum agrees readily. 

 

“I’ll drop by, sure.” Jaebum smiles, looking like a teen pop star in a simple white t-shirt and a leather jacket that stretches across the broad expanse of his shoulders in a way that should be illegal. 

 

“I’ll see if I can rope in Jackson, too-” Jaebum says as they part ways eventually. “He hasn’t been over lately, for some reason.” 

 

Jinyoung shrugs and waves, but his heart leaps into his throat, and he nearly trips on air once he's (hopefully) out of Jaebum's sight. 

 

Jinyoung gives his co-worker a heads-up, naturally. 

 

“Someone I know might come over later,” He says before they open up. “So please don’t splatter cream on my face-” Yugyeom giggles. “-Or encourage me to do latte art-” Bambam rolls his eyes,”You just suck, hyung!” 

 

“I do not-” Jinyoung gulps, nervous about Jaebum’s maybe visit for some reason. “Just, please- I don’t want to seem like a complete disaster.” 

 

Mark nods, knowingly so,”We’ll let you act cool for your boyfriend, Jinyoungie.” 

 

Jinyoung recoils,”Who said-” 

 

Mark grins teasingly, showing his canine teeth,”Or is it an ex?” 

 

_ It might as well be _ , Jinyoung’s stomach flips over as he thinks of the slim possibility of Jackson visiting.

 

“Don’t worry, you’ll do fine,” Yugyeom pats Jinyoung on the shoulder, before reaching to smack Jinyoung’s butt lightly.

 

“Yugyeom, I swear!” His co-workers’ laughter echoes in the empty cafe, and Jinyoung lets himself forget, just for a while. 

 

But oh, it feels like no time has passed until the bells chime- this time it sends chills down Jinyoung’s spine, but he doesn’t register the spooky feeling, rattling off a “Hello there, welcome to Blur, what can I get you?” until he turns around and meets eyes with the customer in front of him. 

 

Or rather, the customers. 

 

Jackson’s got his arms draped around this man who’s all boisterous laughter and baggy shirts, whispering to him closely as the man gazes at the menu. 

 

The man’s got to be at least thirty, and he’s probably Jackson’s  _ boyfriend _ , but he’s the polar opposite of Jinyoung. 

 

“Hey, Jinyoung.” Jackson finally speaks, and Jinyoung barely musters a weak smile before Jackson puckers up and kisses his boyfriend firmly on the lips, making an exaggerated smacking noise. 

 

“Yo, so you’re Jackson’s bro, right?” Jackson’s boyfriend says, sticking out a clammy hand by way of greeting. Jinyoung shakes his hand briefly, feeling thoroughly sick by the time the man jiggles his arm up and down. 

 

“I’m MC Jin, but you can just call me-” Jackson’s hands are intertwined with the man’s, and Jinyoung has a vision of throwing up in the blender. 

 

“I’ll take your orders, sirs- what would you like today?” Yugyeom takes over, bless him, and Jinyoung barely mutters out thanks as Bambam hands him a cup of warm water and gestures him to go outside for some fresh air. 

 

Water sloshing in the paper cup wildly, Jinyoung darts outside the cafe, breathing hard as he leans against the wall. He feels lightheaded, almost like he’s going to pass out, and his insides themselves feel like they’ve been tossed into a blender. 

 

Jinyoung leans over, seconds away from collapsing on the sidewalk. He’s delirious now, ready to sink into oblivion. His colleagues will come and get him soon, he thinks. 

 

Jinyoung’s finally, finally kneeling over from nausea, insides churning, but someone catches him. 

 

Steady arms grip Jinyoung, gently but firmly, as Jinyoung sways, only half conscious. 

 

He opens his eyes slightly, certain that he’s in a dream, but the handsome face in front of him is very, very real as Jinyoung traces its shape with a trembling finger in a daze.  

 

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asks, eyes filled with warm concern. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost forgot to post lol  
> disclaimer: mcjin's a great guy he's just here for a while n he isn't all terrible hgfhfhgv ok this was a bad idea but he won't be here for long i swear-
> 
> 20180408


	4. IF

Jinyoung jerks his finger away from Jaebum’s face, stumbling a little as Jaebum’s grip on him loosens slightly. Jaebum holds him gently, like Jinyoung’s something so precious he can’t afford to break, and something in Jinyoung’s heart stirs. 

 

“Hey, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asks again, looking more worried, and Jinyoung flinches away from him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just felt a little woozy.” Jinyoung rubs his eyes, trying to get a better grasp on his surroundings. 

 

“Really?” Jaebum seems doubtful, lips pursed in thinly-disguised worry as he keeps his arms held out, presumably to catch Jinyoung if he were to fall again. It’s a sweet gesture, but Jinyoung really does feel better as he stands up a little straighter. He can breathe properly now, and he doesn’t feel dizzy even though he feels a bit tired. 

 

“Really, I’m fine.” Jinyoung smiles, and Jaebum nods, not seeming convinced at all. The bells chinkle again, and Jinyoung hears Jackson and his boyfriend, the one with the weird showy name, exit the cafe. Jaebum only gives them a mumbled greeting, watching Jinyoung’s face closely for any sign of discomfort. 

 

“I’m okay, really.” Jinyoung tries again, since he really does feel fine. His stomach only flips slightly from the loud chatter from the couple, but he doesn’t feel faint anymore. 

 

“I’m going back inside, are you coming in?” Jinyoung asks, smiling as Jaebum nods. They head inside together, and Jaebum orders a small espresso from Bambam, who gives Jinyoung a concerned look. 

 

“Do you feel well enough to work? It’s okay if you want to rest.” Mark hands him a glass of water, and Jinyoung sips it gratefully. “I’m fine, really, and there’s only one hour left before we close up.” Jinyoung smiles, making sure his smile is bright enough for Mark to deem him healthy. 

 

Mark gives Jinyoung a reassuring pat as he heads back outside, back to making drinks for the customers as Bambam slips into the kitchen. When they pass each other, Bambam smacks his arm lightly and leans over to whisper in his ear devilishly,”Your friend outside is hot, great catch on that one.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Jinyoung retorts, but he can’t help but smile back as Bambam winks exaggeratedly, the little rascal. 

 

Yugyeom hands Jinyoung a steaming espresso when he gets to the counter,”Give this to your friend, he looks intimidating.”

 

Jinyoung can’t help but chuckle out loud that someone finds Jaebum, a total softie, intimidating, and he’s still laughing a little when he brings the cup to Jaebum’s table. 

 

“One small espresso for a very special customer.” Jinyoung trills as he sets down the drink, and Jaebum looks up from his laptop, smiling softly,”I see you’re feeling better already.” 

 

“Yeah,” Jinyoung wants to make a joking remark, but Jaebum’s fingers brush against his own, and Jinyoung can’t really think straight,”Um.” 

 

“I’m just a little seasick, I guess.” Jinyoung mutters, and Jaebum looks up from his laptop,”Do you want me to walk you home?”

 

“Oh, no, I’m okay, mostly, just-” Jinyoung shakes his head furiously, flustered. Jaebum raises an imploring eyebrow at him, and he feels tongue-tied again,”The cafe opens for another hour.” 

 

“I can wait.” Jaebum’s lips curl slightly, like he’s playing a game of catch with Nora. 

 

“I need to buy groceries for dinner tonight.” 

 

“I can tag along.” 

 

“Don’t you have work?” 

 

“Freelancer,” Jaebum shrugs, tilting his chin at his laptop. “I work wherever, whenever.” 

 

“I-” Jinyoung pouts, not wanting Jaebum to go out of his way to accommodate his needs. Racking his brain for an idea to pay Jaebum back, Jinyoung finally thinks of a good solution,”Are you free tonight?” 

 

“I am,” Jaebum smirks a little, and Jinyoung can hear Yugyeom and Bambam sniggering at the counter. He blushes a little as Yugyeom whispers  _ get it hyung _ not-so-quietly, but he manages to meet Jaebum’s eyes and plow on. 

 

“Can I treat you to dinner?” Jinyoung musters up all his courage to ask, feeling as nervous as the time he acted in his first lead role in the school drama. “I don’t know, can you?” Jaebum teases, and Jinyoung feels like burying his head in the ground. 

 

“I’m kidding, sure.” Jaebum laughs at Jinyoung’s stunned face, and he feels inexplicably giddy as he walks back to the staff area. 

 

“Did you just score a date with your hot guy?” Bambam waggles his eyebrows at Jinyoung, who sighs,”It’s not a date.” 

 

“But you wish it was, do you?” Bambam eggs him on, humming some suggestive tune cheekily. Jinyoung only smacks his head lightly, going back to making a green tea latte for a student, but his good mood continues through the hour. 

 

The closing time of the cafe couldn’t come sooner, and Jinyoung practically tears the apron off once the clock strikes seven. “Someone’s eager,” Mark teases as Jinyoung gathers his belongings, and Jinyoung doesn’t even bother to hide his smile. 

 

It’s been ages since he’s properly ‘hung out’ with someone else, and Jinyoung’s pretty excited, even if it’s not a date like Bambam suggests, wiggling his eyebrows at Jinyoung.

 

Jaebum looks up from his laptop when JInyoung emerges from the staff area,”Oh, you’re done?” 

 

Jaebum’s hair is slightly ruffled from his headphones, and when Jaebum takes them off, hanging them around his neck, Jinyoung clenches his fists in an attempt to resist the urge to comb through Jaebum’s hair,”Yeah.” 

 

Jinyoung takes a seat opposite Jaebum as the other put his things back into his bag, and watches how Jaebum sorts through his notes, quickly yet meticulously, sturdy fingers leafing through his notes. 

 

Jaebum glances at Jinyoung briefly, smile lighting up his face when their eyes meet. 

 

(Which does not make Jinyoung feel fluttery, not at all.)

 

“I know this restaurant nearby, it’s pretty good and my friend owns it,” Jaebum says, which Jinyoung only half registers, too preoccupied with staring at Jaebum’s face. “Would you like to go there, or do you have something else in mind?” 

 

“No, not really,” Jinyoung shakes his head. “I haven’t been around much, so I don’t really know any restaurants, sorry.”

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it took me a long time to find my way around too when I first moved here.” Jaebum grins, eyes melting into soft crescents, and Jinyoung must be going mad, because at that moment, he really,  _ really _ wants to reach out and touch Jaebum’s eye moles.

 

“I’ll look for something next time.” Jinyoung blurts before realizing how it sounds. “If you'd like to go out again, I guess, not that you have to-” 

 

Jinyoung stammers, flustered, but Jaebum only laughs at Jinyoung’s flurry, “It’s fine, I think I’d like another time to happen too.” 

 

Jinyoung blushes, opening his mouth to probably further embarrass himself, but his co-workers beat him to it by whistling and clapping from the back room. 

 

“Don’t get too raunchy Jinyoungie-” Yugyeom calls, and Jinyoung wants to throw something in the direction of his squeaky voice. 

 

“Sorry, uh-” Jinyoung fumbles for an explanation for Jaebum, who looks like he’s enjoying Jinyoung’s suffering too much. “Yugyeom’s annoying.” 

 

“Your colleagues are hilarious,” Jaebum notes, smiling gently as Jinyoung groans,”I hate them.” 

 

“Yeah, right, you do. Let’s head out?” Jaebum brushes off his jeans and stands up, and Jinyoung follows after shooting the closed staff area one last glare. 

 

They walk to this western cafe nearby, chatting about mundane things, like how Nora’s been doing and Jinyoung’s new washing machine. Jaebum’s knack of making Jinyoung feel comfortable in conversation never ceases to amaze him, and the walk passes in no time before they stop in front of a dainty Western cafe. 

 

“Wow,” Jinyoung breathes as they stop in front of the cafe, the sign ‘Starship’ twinkling with fairy lights. A chalkboard menu welcomes them next to the entrance, lovingly handwritten in loopy writing. Soft music comes from the restaurant, casting a calming, almost dreamlike atmosphere. That, coupled with the delicious aroma practically floating from the kitchens, has Jinyoung nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 

Jaebum seems to sense Jinyoung’s excitement and quickly asks for a table for two, letting Jinyoung head inside first. The interior of the restaurant is decorated in a similar fashion, pastel cushions and cream drapes setting a cozy vibe. 

 

Jinyoung hands Jaebum a menu before getting one for himself, but it seems like he doesn’t even need one as he barely spares it a glance,”I’ll have their hamburger steak specialty.” 

 

“You really come here a lot, don’t you?” Jinyoung smiles at him over the top of his menu, and Jaebum chuckles,”Just sometimes, but the steak’s nice so I get it whenever I can.” 

 

“Hmmm… I guess I’ll have a pink cream udon with mini lobsters, then.” Jinyoung decides, and Jaebum takes the menu with both hands, bowing slightly like a pompous butler, and Jinyoung can’t help but laugh, shaking a little as Jaebum stares at him like he’s grown a third head. 

 

Jinyoung hurries to cover his mouth with his hand,“Sorry.” 

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Jaebum frowns, not like he’s angry but as if he’s confused. “Anyway, let’s order.” 

 

Jaebum waves over a waitress- she’s pretty, all the staff milling around look gorgeous in different ways, chatting or working together. The name tag on her apron reads Eunseo, and she seems to know Jaebum, giving him friendly smiles and jotting down his order like she’s memorized it by heart. 

 

Jinyoung shifts in his seat, feeling out-of-place until Eunseo finishes their order and leaves,”That’s your friend, then? She’s pretty.” 

 

“No.” Jaebum takes a sip of the complimentary tangerine drink. “Eunseo’s nice, but I only know the staff in passing- I don’t come here  _ that _ much.” 

 

“Oh,” Jinyoung feels relieved, even though there’s no reason to be, and he opens his mouth to apologize for wrongly assuming when Jaebum beats him to it,”If you’re going to say ‘sorry’, don’t.” 

 

“How did you know I was going to say that?” Jinyoung blinks, and Jaebum pauses before laughing a little. 

 

“Just your face, you look like you’ve been caught in a game of tag,” Jaebum says, eyes never leaving Jinyoung’s. “It’s okay, we’re friends, you don’t have to apologize for little things.” 

 

“Friends, right.” Jinyoung smiles, awkward under Jaebum’s gaze. “I’ll try my best.” 

 

“Unless you steal Nora, then you’ll have to apologize.” 

 

Jinyoung laughs, but he can’t help but feel a little weirded out by the label. 

 

_ Being friends was great, everything Jinyoung could ever wish for, but why did Jinyoung still feel that this wasn’t it, not yet?  _

 

“That’s my friend.” Jaebum’s voice takes Jinyoung by surprise, lost in his musings, and he turns around quickly to find a pink-haired man on the small stage in the cafe. 

 

“Kihyun!” Jaebum calls, and the singer seems to recognize Jaebum, waving at their table. He starts singing an English ballad which Jinyoung doesn’t really catch, only registering the many yodeling parts of the song. It’s a nice performance anyway, and Jinyoung claps politely when the singer bows at the end. 

 

Kihyun comes over to their table shortly afterward, and Jinyoung makes sure to compliment his singing skills. Kihyun seems humble, waving away Jinyoung’s praise,”It’s not that good, I could’ve done better if Youngjae was here.” 

 

Jinyoung freezes, brain short-circuiting at the familiar name. “Youngjae, you say?” He tries again, praying that he’d only misheard, and his Youngjae wasn’t here in Seoul as well. 

 

“Yeah, Youngjae. He’s a beautiful singer.” Kihyun nods, and Jinyoung’s life flashes in front of his eyes as he remembers how Youngjae liked to sing in their shared kitchen, how Youngjae wished to get vocal lessons. 

 

“Ah, it’s a shame then,” Jaebum replies, patting Kihyun’s shoulder in a friendly way. “Hopefully we’ll come here again to hear your duet.” 

 

“That would be great,” Kihyun beams, and Jinyoung nods along weakly, trying to pretend that he wasn’t dying inside.

 

_ Fate plays a cruel, cruel game. _

 

“Jinyoung, you okay?” Jaebum asks softly after Kihyun leaves, and Jinyoung hastens to reply,”Sor- It’s nothing.” 

 

“I’m glad.” Jaebum looks at Jinyoung fondly as he grins sheepishly, relieved that he didn’t slip up again. Food arrives then, and Jinyoung tries to forget about the whole Youngjae incident, slipping into easy conversation with Jaebum, who always has something interesting to say. 

 

Their dinner ends not long after they finish , both of their bellies full and cheeks hurting from laughing so much. Jinyoung feels almost tipsy as they stumble outside the diner even though he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol, and Jaebum only laughs as Jinyoung leans on him for support. 

 

“Did you have a good time?” Jaebum asks, offering an arm as they go down the escalator to get to the bus terminal, and Jinyoung takes it gratefully. 

 

“Yeah, it was fun.” Jinyoung admits, blushing a little as Jaebum smiles, eyes disappearing into wide crescents. That foreign, fluttering feeling that Jinyoung has unconsciously associated with Jaebum is back again, and he feels strangely shy as Jaebum peers at him,”You don’t have to feel pressured, I won’t get upset or anything-” 

 

“No, no.” Jinyoung shakes his head, ears warm with embarrassment. Jaebum looks like he’s about to protest, so Jinyoung leans over to cover his mouth without thinking,”Stop it, I really did enjoy myself.” 

 

Jaebum bursts into pearls of laughter, and Jinyoung feels the vibration of his lips as he snatches back his hand quickly, realising what he’s done,”Sorry.” 

 

Jaebum stops laughing for a moment and looks at Jinyoung- really looks at Jinyoung, eyes piercing like he can read his thoughts-”Hey, we’ve been through that. We’re friends, right?” 

 

_ Friends?  _

 

_ Was that the fluttering feeling Jaebum gave him a result of their blossoming friendship?  _ Jinyoung wonders briefly before he returns to his senses. 

 

“Yeah, friends.” Jinyoung shrugs, but fails to hide the small smile that makes its way on his face somehow. If Jaebum catches him smiling to himself, he doesn’t comment on it, and they get on the bus in relatively comfortable silence. 

 

The bus is mostly empty, so they sit down even though they’re getting off in s few stops. Jinyoung closes his eyes when the bus starts moving, exhausted from the day’s event, both the good ones and the bad ones. Jaebum offers his shoulder when he sees Jinyoung nodding off, and he leans on Jaebum, too fatigued to think better of his decisions, and drifts into slumber. 

 

Jinyoung has the same nightmare again, the recurring one that’s haunted him for years. 

 

But this time, it’s not just his grandmother, Jackson and Youngjae begging Jinyoung to leave them alone, Jaebum’s there too, tears streaming down his handsome face as he falls to his knees, voice cracking as he pleads Jinyoung to go away, to let him live in peace-

 

Jinyoung knows this isn’t real, but he feels like he’s drowning, all the same, crying and apologising until his throat stings, raw and real, and he jerks awake in cold sweat, breathing hard. 

 

Jaebum looks concerned, brows furrowed in the way Jinyoung has seen too many times just that day,”Bad dream?” 

 

“Yeah.” Jinyoung nods, flinching away from Jaebum’s arms. 

 

“Look, I don’t know what freaked you out so bad, but you can always talk to me.” Jaebum keeps a careful distance, but his eyes are filled with something akin to pity, like Jinyoung’s  _ fragile _ . 

 

Jinyoung fucking hates it. 

 

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung snaps, moving away from Jaebum, but feels guilty once he glimpses a flash of hurt on Jaebum’s face. Their ride continues in silence, Jinyoung contemplates talking to Jaebum but decides against it when they accidentally meet eyes and Jaebum looks away quickly. 

 

_ I’ve done it now, _ Jinyoung thinks to himself, feeling carsick,  _ he’s going to hate me forever. _ The bus pulls up at their stop, right behind their apartment building, and Jinyoung follows Jaebum off the bus in a daze, dizzy and exhausted. 

 

Jinyoung nearly trips as he gets off, but thankfully regains his balance barely scraping his knee. He wraps his thin jacket around himself, glaring resentfully at the ground ss Jaebum walks ahead in large strides, making Jinyoung feel like a sulking toddler. 

 

It’s kind of funny, how his mood changes drastically in a matter of minutes, from etastic to miserable again. 

 

_ Maybe it’s better this way _ , Jinyoung thinks.  _ Maybe it’s better Jaebum doesn’t want to talk again-he’ll live a long, prosperous life, exactly what he deserves. _

 

Jinyoung huddles further into himself, feeling sick and alone and hurt, all those things he used to feel on a daily basis before Jaebum took those feelings away, before Youngjae took them away, before Jackson took them away. 

 

Maybe he’ll be better off in the countryside, where no one will notice even if Jinyoung dies and rots. It’ll be better, to hole up somewhere like Rapunzel in her tower, but there’s no Prince Charming to save Jinyoung, no way to escape from his fate. 

 

Jinyoung considers the pros and cons of moving back to Busan, sniffling a little as a gust of cold wind blows by, and almost fails to notice when Jaebum lets out a frustrated sign and peels off his hoodie, handing it to Jinyoung. 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t register that Jaebum’s handing his hoodie to him, that he fumbles and almost drops it. Jaebum looks at Jinyoung, not saying a word until they get into the lift. 

 

“Wear it, it’s cold outside.” Jaebum says once he punches the lift button, and Jinyoung nearly drops the hoodie. 

 

“B-but we’re inside.” Jinyoung stutters, feeling even smaller under Jaebum’s gaze. 

 

“You’re not feeling well, just keep it.” Jaebum says, a hint of finality to his voice, and Jinyoung puts on the hoodie reluctantly. Its warmth is reassuring, even though it’s not cold indoors, and Jinyoung can’t help but inhale in the hoodie’s scent. 

 

They get off when the lift stops at their floor, and Jinyoung fumbles for his words as they stand outside their respective apartments. 

 

“I’ll return it to you as soon as possible,” Jinyoung mumbles, voice faltering as Jaebum glances at him. 

 

“It’s fine, I have other clothes.” Jaebum shrugs, pulling open his gate. 

 

“I insist.” Jinyoung presses, not wanting to feel indebted to Jaebum. 

 

“Fine,” Jaebum huffs, but there’s no anger in his voice, only gentle exasperation 

 

“Good night, Jinyoungie.” Jaebum mumbles before slipping into his apartment, and Jinyoung’s alone. 

 

(Jinyoung sleeps in Jaebum’s hoodie that night. He still has nightmares, but when he wakes up, he doesn’t remember them, only the warmth of being wrapped in a pair of arms.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! things have been slow lately and i haven't made much progress but i'll try my best to post the next chapter on time:)))))))) hope you liked the chapter 
> 
> also yes, kihyun is singing the walmart boy song here
> 
> 20180420blaze it


	5. MAYDAY

Jinyoung dumps the hoodie into the wash right away, not wanting to seem weird or worse, get attached. But when he texts Jaebum to ask when he can drop by, a few days later, Jaebum only replies simply:

 

_Jackson broke up with mcjin, he’s practically one with my couch._

 

Jinyoung reads the line of text on his phone again, not believing his eyes.

 

Jaebum had mentioned that the two wouldn’t last long, but with the way they acted at the cafe, Jinyoung still felt shocked.

 

Well, really, he isn’t quite sure how to feel. He feels sorry for them, of course, but there’s still the lingering regret from Jackson and the guilt he feels for Jackson’s singleness, even though it isn’t any of his business.

 

_But maybe if it was Jinyoung, maybe they were together-_

 

Jinyoung tosses his phone onto his bed, groaning. He really needs to stop mulling over the past and trapping himself in a never-ending spiral of self-pity.

 

He gets dressed with some difficulty- he’s still feeling woozy and inexplicably exhausted. He briefly entertains the idea of calling in sick and reading in bed all day, but dismisses the thought quickly.

 

It’s honestly a miracle, how Jinyoung manages to make it to the cafe on time, sweater pulled on haphazardly and shoelaces untied. His coworkers seem worried, glancing at Jinyoung’s frazzled state.

 

“Are you okay, hyung?” Bambam asks, cleaning the kitchen countertops with a rag that vaguely resembles one of Yugyeom’s Hawaiian shirts.

 

Jinyoung nods, darting into the changing area after a quick glance at the kitchen clock: five minutes until opening time. He changes quickly, cursing as he puts on his work sweater backwards. It takes him a few times to put on the apron properly, but he manages -barely, with his arm sticking out at an awkward angle until he squeezes it in, but he manages all the same.

 

Yugyeom and Mark are talking in hushed voices when Jinyoung emerges, flinching once the door cracks open.

 

“Hey, Jinyoung,” Mark smiles widely, but it seems awkward. The tips of Yugyeom’s ears are tinted pink.

 

“Were you guys talking about me?” Jinyoung asks, but it’s not really a question, judging from the telltale tic of Mark’s eye.

 

“We’re just worried, Jinyoung hyung,” Yugyeom explains, ears flushed. “We could hold up for a few days without you, we just don’t want you to overwork yourself.”

 

Yugyeom seems sincere, like he’s actually concerned about Jinyoung’s health, which sends a pang of warmth through Jinyoung’s chest. It reminds him how it feels to feel, to allow others to move closer, so he indulges in the sensation. He counts, _one, two, three._

 

“I’m fine, really.” Jinyoung smiles, brightly enough. “Plus, what would you do without me?”

 

“We’ll be a mess.” Mark laughs, seemingly convinced of Jinyoung’s good health, and they launch into their daily routine without another word. And it’s fine, Jinyoung tells himself. His heart beats at a regular pace, his head doesn’t throb, his body temperature’s just right.

 

The emptiness lingers, a gaping void in Jinyoung’s heart, but he’s used to it.

 

Jinyoung offers to do the dishes, wanting some time to himself, and he contemplates his life briefly as he loads the dishes into the dishwasher. He hates it, he does, Jinyoung admits to no one in particular as he winces at a chipped teacup, jagged edge striking as if jeering at him as well.

 

Jinyoung hates how he’s not allowed to have affections for anyone, but it’s just the way things must be, forever. It’s just stupid how he’s trapped in this cycle of slipping up and just catching himself, and one day some heroic figure will come along and destroy him, the bitter antagonist, and everything will end happily ever after.

 

The end.

 

Jinyoung steps back, bowing a little to add a dramatic flair as the machine starts humming. He keeps smiling for a moment. pretending to wave to an adoring crowd after a full-house show. But then the dishwasher rattles, and Jinyoung hurries to steady the machine, shoulders slumping.

 

Jinyoung’s always wanted to be an actor, to perform in front of many and channeling all sorts of emotions, not unlike what he did every day.

 

Jinyoung smiles a little to himself, backing away from the dishwasher as it settles down.

 

It was still different, though-- pretending not to feel and acting against his wishes was too far away from slipping into an entirely new personality and escaping from reality.

 

But it didn’t really matter, when he couldn’t do both of those things, constantly wallowing in self-pity and despair.

 

Jinyoung decides to prepare some pastry crusts- nothing too complicated, just mixing and molding like Mark had taught him to. He takes out the tools needed, picks out ingredients from the cupboard, moves like a robot as he mechanically starts his task. It’s just another event in Jinyoung’s life, boring and bland since he’s unable to experience any kind of love.

 

_Pathetic._

 

Grimacing, Jinyoung fetches a bag of frozen dough from the fridge, ready to give it the hardest beating ever. But then Bambam sticks his head around the door, nearly giving Jinyoung a heart attack with the rolling pin raised high in the air.

 

“Hyung- what are you doing?” Bambam asks, long earrings dangling as he tilts his head to the side. “Nothing, nothing,” Jinyoung puts down the pin quickly. He might be in a state of constant despair, but getting in jail due to a false charge of attempted murder just wasn’t the way to go.

 

“Your friend’s here!” Bambam winks, and Jinyoung freezes,”What friend?”

 

_Had Youngjae somehow found his new workplace? Jinyoung would hate to call the police on one of the most important people in his life, but if circumstances called for it-_

 

“Jaebum?” Bambam frowns at Jinyoung oddly as he clutches a hand to his chest. _Thank fuck._

 

“He’s also with the two other guys last time, but they seem awkward with one another,” Bambam says, but Jinyoung hardly pays any attention as he revels silently.

 

No Youngjae, so that was one more problem sorted.

 

 _Or rather,_ a snide little voice in Jinyoung’s head suggests, _one more problem pushed to the back of Jinyoung’s mind until something came up again_. But Jinyoung’s too relieved to care, setting down the rolling pin with a sigh.

 

“Come on out, hyung, I’ll do the pastries,” Bambam beckons, and Jinyoung pauses his mental celebratory dance,”Who was he with, again?”

 

“The two other guys last time,” Bambam repeats, bless him. “But do you mind serving them, I mean, you got all pale and panicky last time, so I could-”

 

Jackson and Mcjin? Jinyoung couldn’t think of one reason why they were here with Jaebum, especially after the awkward moment he shared with his neighbour.

 

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung moves towards the door as Bambam frowns again, as if he’s ready to pull out a stethoscope from his apron and put Jinyoung to bed. “Nothing could go wrong in broad daylight.”

 

“But if you-”

 

“I’ll be fine, Bam,” Jinyoung reaches out to ruffle Bambam hair, smiling as the boy pouts. “Get some rest, you’ve been working non-stop.”

 

“Fine, _mum_.”

 

Jinyoung manages to laugh a little, giving the kitchen one last wistful gaze as he heads out to face his favourite customers.

 

\------

 

Jinyoung spots the awkward trio once he walks out. The three of them are seated right in the middle of the cafe, with Jackson between Mcjin and Jaebum. He looks tired, eye bags drooping and eyes slightly bloodshot, but Mcjin seems just fine, smiling a little as he taps on his phone.

 

Jinyoung gives Mcjin a look- it wasn’t very polite (let alone wise) to just text casually with your ex and said ex’s best friend.

 

Jinyoung sidles behind the counter, getting his first proper look at Jaebum- technically, it wasn’t just a look, more like a series of looks. Jaebum looks handsome -Jinyoung rolls his eyes at himself for thinking that about Jaebum every time, but it’s just the way it is- Jaebum, effortlessly yet so heart-wrenchingly dashing in a simple bomber jacket, talking to Jackson in hushed whispers.

 

Jinyoung bunches up his fists, inexplicably daunted by this weird combination of customers.

 

“Oh, great, you’re here,” Yugyeom twitters, handing Jinyoung a lava cake. “They’ve been here for a while, but only that green tracksuit guy-” He nods at Mcjin, still blissfully enraptured by his phone. “has ordered something, I can’t do this.”

 

“And?” Jinyoung raises his eyebrows at Yugyeom, who looks like he’s about to cry.

 

“Please, hyung, I’m scared,” Yugyeom pleads, and Jinyoung can’t help but laugh softly.

 

Yugyeom was really just a kid- all height, no action.

 

“Fine,” Jinyoung relents, trying not to bend over with laughter at the sheer relief plastered on Yugyeom’s face.

 

“I’ll be going, then,” Jinyoung picks up the plate, trying to keep a composed facial expression as he weaves towards the table.

 

Jaebum’s the first one to notice him, smiling a little as Jinyoung draws close,”Hey, you.”

 

“Oh, hyung.” Jinyoung replies, setting down the cake. Jaebum sits a little straighter now, moving to make space for Jinyoung. Jackson manages a wobbly smile, and Jinyoung nods vaguely in his direction.

 

(Mcjin doesn’t even mutter a ‘thank you’, engrossed by whatever’s so interesting on his phone, but Jinyoung doesn’t care.)

 

“Would you like to sit down, Jinyoung?” Jackson speaks, voice steadier than Jinyoung would expect it to be. Mcjin looks up now, peering at Jinyoung like he’s some exotic lizard.

 

“No, I have stuff to-” Jinyoung protests instinctively, but then his legs are aching and there’s no customers at the counter. “Um. I guess?”

 

“Sure,” Jaebum pulls out the chair next to him for Jinyoung, who slips into the seat awkwardly, feeling odd and unsure of everything- himself, and the very reason why he agreed to sitting down.

 

Jinyoung waits for someone to make conversation, but Jaebum only studies him thoughtfully, making Jinyoung squirm a little in his seat. He can’t help but think of Jaebum’s hoodie, roomy and warm and lying on Jinyoung’s bed, how Jinyoung huddles up in it at night unabashedly.

 

Jinyoung flushes a little, turning away from Jaebum and trying his best to avoid the gazes of everyone at the table. Thankfully, Mcjin creates a distraction by slamming his phone on the table without any warning.

 

Jackson jumps a little in his seat, and Jinyoung nearly gasps out loud and Mcjin points at Jinyoung,”You’re Jackson’s school friend, right?” Jinyoung doesn’t exactly know what to do, so he freezes, nodding awkwardly as Mcjin goes on,”You’re the guy he had a massive cru-”

 

“Stop it,” Jackson’s voice isn’t loud, but his whole body is tense as he sits up, pressing closer to the table. “Aight,” Mcjin grumbles, turning his focus back to his phone.

 

Jinyoung lets out a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding, singing praises to a higher power out there who protected him from being exposed before Jaebum. Jackson starts talking then, something about dividing up the stuff they bought together, and he sounds just like Jinyoung, uncharacteristically so, like he’s unsure of himself.

 

Conversation is slow, with Mcjin making noncommittal grunts and Jaebum commenting once in a while, so Jinyoung allows himself to zone out. Jaebum looks at him occasionally, touching him on the arm once in a while to make sure he’s alright, so he sits up straighter and tries to act like he cares about the topic at hand.

 

It’s weird, how Jaebum acts like he genuinely cares about Jinyoung, and it’s also a little scary. Jinyoung’s mind starts wandering, and he thinks about how it’s just ridiculous, a city man like Jaebum being friends with Jinyoung, a country boy, and the thought is so bizarre that he laughs a little.

 

Jaebum looks at Jinyoung, sending him a confused smile. He’s cute, and Jinyoung’s heart skips as he grins back, embarrassed but giddy for some reason.

 

Mcjin says something again, and for once, Jinyoung registers that it’s directed to him, but his brain’s still struggling to function, and he struggles to fumble for an answer. But, Jinyoung remembers the first lesson from one of his school acting classes: when in doubt, just say yes as many times you can.

 

“Yes,” Jinyoung answers, belatedly realising he’s given the wrong answer as Jackson sputters and Mcjin raises his eyebrows. Jaebum seems as confused as Jinyoung is, eyes flitting between the estranged couple.

 

“Wow, and here I thought Jackson was going to go back to one of you as a rebound, you know?” Mcjin laughs, to no one’s amusement, and Jinyoung frowns. _What an asshole._

 

Jaebum looks mad now, jaw jutted out and glaring daggers at Mcjin, but Jackson just looks defeated, staring at the teacup like it’s the answer to all his problems.

 

Jinyoung suddenly remembers teenage Jackson, bold and #unwilling to take anyone’s shit. It’s most definitely Jinyoung’s fault, now Jackson’s ended up with shitty boyfriends, and Jinyoung sees red.

 

“What’s your problem?” Jinyoung asks, glaring straight at Mcjin. Mcjin looks up from his phone, confused. “Jackson can date everyone he wants to, you pig, and even if he was dating either of us, it’s not of your business!”

 

Jinyoung settles back into his seat, pleased with his impromptu speech, but Mcjin just gives him an odd look,”Chill, dude, I was just sayin’.”

 

Jackson’s glaring, not at Mcjin but rather at Jinyoung, who’s starting to get a vibe that he messed up. Jaebum shrugs, squinting at Mcjin, who gets up from his seat.

 

“Sorry gang, but I gotta go,” Mcjin doesn’t even seem the least bit sorry, putting his hands in his pockets as he stands up. “You guys should totally come to my disco show next week, though. I’ll even throw in a couple discount for you guys!” Mcjin winks at Jinyoung, and leaves without a second glance.

 

“What?” Jaebum looks as clueless as Jinyoung feels, but Jackson’s no help either, looking like he’s about to shatter at any moment. They sit in bewildered silence for a while, Jinyoung itching to leave the awkward situation.

 

“So,” Jackson finally speaks after what seemed like ten years. “You guys are together now?”

 

“What?” Jaebum gasps, and Jinyoung turns to him with eyes as big as saucers.

 

“Yeah,” Jackson shrugs, but Jinyoung catches how he shoves his hands in his pockets, to hide how they’re shivering. “I thought you would've tell me if you got in a relationship, but I guess, things happen.”

 

Jinyoung realises with a start, that Jackson’s stubbornly fixating his gaze on Jaebum, as if Jinyoung’s so disgusting he can’t even bear to look. It’s really all his fault, everything bad that ever happens. He wants to make it up to Jackson, to make him feel better, and maybe, just maybe, removing himself from Jackson’s list of what-if’s would help.

 

“Yes,” Jinyoung answers simply. Jaebum turns to him now, staring like he’s grown a third head,”We are?” _Just pretend,_ Jinyoung begs Jaebum telepathically.

 

“If you say so,” Jackson mutters, “That’s what Jinyoung said at first, right?”

 

“But we aren’t-” Jaebum protests, but Jackson stops him with a hand.

 

“Look, I don’t care what you guys do,” Jackson looks resigned now, shoulders sagging and eyes downcast. “But please show up to the disco show.”

 

“I’m not going to let him make snide comments on rebounds anymore, that prick,” Jackson glowers, and Jaebum nods half-heartedly,”...Okay?”

 

“If you’ve ever cared about me, then you can do this,” Jackson finally grits, looking at Jaebum, but Jinyoung knows, full well that he’s talking about him.

 

And if it helps Jackson in any case, then Jinyoung’s willing to try, to make up for what he’s done.

 

“Sure, I guess,” Jaebum frowns, “Call me when you get home, okay?” Jackson nods, scraping his chair as he gets up. Even the door jingle sounds oddly somber, Jackson’s hunched back haunting as he walks away.

 

“What the hell was that?” Jaebum hisses once Jackson’s out of earshot, and Jinyoung flinches a little, not really meeting Jaebum’s eyes. He doesn’t look angry, just worried and perhaps confused.

 

“Sorry, I just panicked and I,” Jinyoung doesn’t even notice he’s rambling until he does, and he takes a second to mull over whatever just happened in the past 10 minutes.

 

And damn, those were a series of weird and bad decisions.

 

“Right,” Jinyoung tries to compose himself, _It’s not that bad, he’s messed up much worse than that._ “I fucked up.”

 

“Yeah, I figured.” To Jinyoung’s surprise, Jaebum doesn’t get mad, searching Jinyoung’s face like he’s a complicated puzzle waiting to be solved. “Are you really going to do this, though?”

 

Jinyoung nods, still in a daze,”I mean, I agreed anyway, so what’s there to lose?”

 

“Wow,” Jaebum’s mouth hangs open like he’s having trouble comprehending reality- he’s still good-looking though, and Jinyoung’s heart speeds up a little as Jaebum shifts closer, pressing a hand to Jinyoung’s forehead.

 

“No fever, huh,” Jaebum mumbles, and Jinyoung makes a face,”I know what I’m doing, I think.”

 

“So you aren’t uncomfortable with this whole fake dating thing?” If it was anyone else, then Jinyoung would be, but if it’s Jaebum, then Jinyoung wouldn’t feel particularly uneasy.

 

Jinyoung shrugs,”It’s only for a week or two, right? I can handle that.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Jaebum smiles a little, eyes crinkling that familiar way. “But why are you doing this? I could always explain to Jackson, he won’t feel weird about it.”

 

 _Why is he doing this?_ Jinyoung ponders the question. It’s probably his overwhelming guilt towards Jackson, or the burden of having to explain himself.

 

Or he just craves affection, pretend or not.

 

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung insists. “I just don’t want him to lose face in front of an ex, Mcjin’s terrible.”

 

“Yeah, he’s a wanker, that guy,” Jaebum accepts Jinyoung’s half-assed excuse without further hassle, nodding thoughtfully. “Thank you for doing this, it means a lot to Jackson.”

 

 _Yeah, right,_ Jinyoung recalls Jackson blank stare- he probably still hated Jinyoung with a burning passion, no matter what he did to redeem his past actions.

 

“As long as you don’t feel uncomfortable, since we’re going to be-” Jinyoung swallows, suddenly feeling uncomfortable himself. Jaebum quirks an eyebrow, tone teasing as he grins at Jinyoung,”Boyfriends?”

 

“Yeah, that,” Jinyoung feels like a nervous teenager, fighting off the urge to duck under the small table. Jaebum smirks, sending Jinyoung’s brain into a meltdown, but then he takes a glance at the clock, and his facial expression changes quickly.

 

“I’d love to stay and talk, but I’ve got an appointment soon,” Jaebum apologizes hastily, picking up his satchel from the floor as Jinyoung hands him his scarf, discarded messily on the back of his chair.

 

“It’s fine, just go,” Jinyoung tells him, the exchange feeling strangely domestic like he’s a wife sending his husband off to work. Not that they are any of those… things, but the thought makes Jinyoung want to scream into a pillow, much like a hormonal teenager.

 

“See you, then,” Jaebum smiles, softly like he always does, warm fingers brushing against Jinyoung’s cool ones as he takes the scarf. “I’ll text you or something, we could go out? As friends, or pretend boyfriends?”

 

Jinyoung notices how Jaebum fiddles with the edges of his scarf, like he’s feeling as hesitant as Jinyoung is. It’s endearing, just like Jaebum. “Of course,” He says, hoping he doesn’t sound as eager as he feels.

 

“I’ll text you,” Jaebum stands up, pushing his hair back as he slings the satchel on a shoulder. Jinyoung reminds himself to breathe,”See you.” Jinyoung watches as Jaebum walks away, musing for a moment until he finally gets up to clean the table.

 

He still doesn’t exactly register the bizarre events, reality finally hitting him once he puts the plate down in the sink.

 

He’s got a fake boyfriend, for two weeks.

 

Jinyoung puts his face in his hands. _What has he done again?_

 

“Wow, you look like you just went through a war,” Yugyeom jokes as Jinyoung drags his limp body back to the counter.

 

And it might as well have been the case, since now Jinyoung had to take on the toughest role of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! sorry things don't really make sense but anyway... that's that  
> i haven't worked on the next chapter yet, unfortunately, and i'll have finals in June so everything's going to be hectic rip but i'll try my best to stick to the update schedule:)))
> 
> 20180505


	6. LET ME

Jaebum texts Jinyoung two days later, inviting him to dinner.  _ We could just get to know each other, so we don’t get exposed as a fake couple right away, _ Jaebum says, but Jinyoung isn’t so sure. 

 

It’s still a risky idea, to get attached, and Jinyoung doesn’t want to hurt Jaebum, who’s been nothing but kind and understanding. Jinyoung tells himself it’s too late anyway, he’s already made the terrible decision of answering as Jaebum’s boyfriend, and so he texts Jaebum back,  _ Sure, I’m free this week, where do you wanna go? _

 

Jinyoung’s phone pings with a reply within minutes, but Jinyoung doesn’t reply until he serves the long queue of customers. It’s peak hours at the cafe after all, and Jinyoung isn’t going to let a fake boyfriend ruin his work professionalism. 

 

Nothing special happens while Jinyoung takes orders and relays them to Yugyeom and Bambam, who brew drinks and heat up pastries quickly. But then a petite girl, with dyed grey hair and delicate features steps up to the counter, mumbling her order. 

 

“Excuse me, can you repeat that?” Jinyoung leans forward to catch what the girl’s saying, but she only blushes more, eventually muttering something that sounds like,”I like you a latte.” 

 

“Sorry, miss, but are you ordering anything?” Jinyoung tries to stay composed and not at all awkward, but then the girl hands Jinyoung a slip of paper with some numbers on it, and Jinyoung thinks,  _ oh fuck _ . 

 

“Would you like to go out with me?” The girl asks in her dainty, cute voice, and Jinyoung wants to run away. Avoiding direct eye contact, Jinyoung makes a regretful face,” Sorry, but I’m not interested.” 

 

The girl nods, eyes downcast, and Jinyoung thinks she’s going to leave, but then she asks,”Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” 

 

Jinyoung blanks, at a loss for an answer. He’s had his share of flirty comments and looks from customers, but it’s the first time someone has confessed to him so directly. He considers telling the girl that he’s single, but he worries that it would send out the vibe that he was just playing hard-to-get. 

 

Jinyoung blurts,”I have a boyfriend.” 

 

Someone behind him- Yugyeom or Bambam- drops something, and the girl nods again, moving away quickly. Jinyoung opens his mouth to take the next order, but then he’s shoved out of his spot by Yugyeom and cornered by a frantic Bambam. 

 

“You have a what?” Bambam says in a hushed shout. 

 

Jinyoung shrugs, smiling sheepishly,”It’s a long story.”

 

Jinyoung manages to keep himself busy with work, pointedly ignoring hushed whispers and knowing looks from his co-workers, only rolling his eyes at Bambam when he catches mumbles of something like “friends with benefits”. 

 

Mark doesn’t join in the gossiping, but he’s just as curious as the Dreadful Duo, judging from how he closes the cafe right after the last customer leaves. Jinyoung peers at Mark as he flips the ‘open’ sign over,”Are we closing up early today? There’s still eight minutes left.” 

 

“It’s not like eight more minutes of running the cafe will make us millionaires,” Yugyeom quips, setting down the duster. 

 

“That’s just because you were pretending to be cleaning over the last twenty minutes, Kim Yugyeom,” Bambam drawls from the counter, snapping the cashier till shut. “I saw you- you can run, but you can’t escape-” 

 

“Kids,” Mark interrupts, untying his flour-stained apron. “Stop being dramatic, we have pressing issues here.” 

 

“Right,” Bambam agrees, winking at Jinyoung, who freezes in the middle of lacing up his boots. “How did he go from ‘just a friend’ to boyfriend in days?” 

 

“That’s not important,” Jinyoung laughs nervously,”By the way, we’re almost out of matcha powder-” “Stop changing the subject-” “What are you scared of, it’s just us!” Jinyoung’s excuse is met by loud protests from Bambam and Yugyeom, and Jinyoung sighs, looking at Mark for support. 

 

“Yep, stop it,” Mark says, and Jinyoung rejoices, grateful for a voice of reason in this mess. Mark grins,“Cut to the chase, Jinyoung, you and I both know we still have two more boxes in the storage cupboard.”  _ What? _ Jinyoung blinks, shocked by Mark’s betrayal, and slightly intimidated by his coworkers staring at him like a trio of hungry wolves. 

 

“Come on, hyung-” Yuygeom whines,”Just tell us what happened, it’s not like you have any other friends to talk to about this anyway.” “Hey!” Jinyoung can’t help but laugh, glaring at Yugyeom who hides behind Bambam’s skinny back.”I’m not telling you guys anything from this day on.” 

 

“Hyung, please-” Yugyeom fake cries, rubbing his face as he wails, and Jinyoung scoffs as his friend’s theatrics. It takes approximately three seconds for Yugyeom to calm down, and then Jinyoung’s being stared down by his co-workers’ expectant gazes again. 

 

“Okay, fine- we started dating like two days ago,” Jinyoung admits, blushing a little as Bambam hoots. “We’re not even together properly, it’s just temporary.” 

 

“Temporary?” Mark frowns, leaning forward. “What do you mean temporary?” Mark sounds oddly serious, like a mother asking about her son’s love life, and Jinyoung smiles a little at the idea. 

 

“It’s… complicated,” Jinyoung settles for a vague answer. “But we’re together for now until this stupid disco show his friend’s ex invited us to.” “Wow,” Bambam makes some weird gesture with his hands,”That’s so weird.” 

 

“Did you propose the idea?” Mark asks, chin propped on his hand thoughtfully. Jinyoung shrugs,”Not exactly, but… yeah.” 

 

“Hyung, you gotta elaborate, we can’t exactly understand the situation if you just trail off,” Yugyeom complains, and Jinyoung hastens to rephrase,”I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation, and somehow I ended up stating that we were dating.”

 

“That sounds like something you’d do,” Bambam laughs, “So are you guys going on dates and stuff?” 

 

“No, not really,” “But you want to, don’t you,” Bambam teases cheekily, and Jinyoung suddenly remembers Jaebum’s text. Fumbling for his phone, he quickly texts Jaebum back:  _ Sure, I’m fine with everything.  _

 

“Who’s that?” Mark peers over his shoulder. “Are you texting him?” Yugyeom asks excitedly, voice nearly cracking. “Yeah,” Jinyoung replies, ignoring Bambam’s whisper of  _ bros before hoes _ . 

 

“He wanted us to get to know each other more, it’s not a big deal,” Jinyoung explains, as Mark and Bambam exchanging a look. “What,” Jinyoung deadpans, bracing himself for whatever teasing remark. But Bambam doesn’t smile, oddly somber. “Are you sure he’s just pretending?” Bambam asks tentatively. “Because it sounds like he’s actually interested in you.” 

 

“No,” Jinyoung rejects the idea right away. “It's just pretend, all of it.” After all, why would Im Jaebum like someone as boring and sad as Jinyoung?

 

“If you say so,” Yugyeom shrugs, not looking convinced, but he quickly moves on. “The disco thing sounds shady though, is his friend’s ex a drug dealer or something?” 

 

“No,” Jinyoung says, feeling his insides turn at the thought of the disco show. “He’s a rapper, but he doesn’t seem like the type to do anything illegal.” 

 

“Don’t judge, rappers aren’t thugs,” Bambam nudges him gently, and Jinyoung prods back,”He’s kind of terrible, but it’s just one day, I guess.” 

 

“I could go with you, actually,” Yugyeom suggests casually, and Jinyoung sits up straight, not believing his ears. “I’ve been meaning to check out some rap music, and I’ve heard that a lot of dancers go to these shows.” 

 

“You don’t have to do this for me, Gyeom- I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone,” Jinyoung protests, but then Bambam slings an arm around Yugyeom’s shoulders,”I’ll go too, it sounds fun and I wanna see Jinyoung and Jaebum being gross live. Mark hyung?” 

 

Jinyoung turns to Mark, who smiles a little at Jinyoung,”I guess I can’t run the shop on my own, can I? Count me in.” 

 

“You guys-” Jinyoung starts, too overwhelmed by the care his co-workers have for him. “You really don’t have to do this, I can manage-” 

 

“But we want to be there for you,” Yugyeom grins, “We won’t cockblock you guys, promise.” 

 

Jinyoung smacks Yugyeom on the thigh lightly, but he can’t help worrying,”Are you sure about this? I’m not sure if it’s a private event or not, but I could try to find out through Jaebum.”

 

“That’s settled, then,” Mark says, and Jinyoung silently thanks his lucky stars for such loyal friends. 

 

Now, if only he wasn’t such a terrible friend to Jaebum, everything would be just right. 

 

\-----

 

Jaebum texts back later, setting up concrete plans for their pretend-date. Jinyoung tells him about his friends tagging along to Jackson’s ex’s stupid show, and Jaebum agrees readily, to Jinyoung’s relief. 

 

Jaebum is kind, too kind even, that it makes Jinyoung feel like he’s posing as a better person for his affections. He lets Jinyoung complain about boring, mundane things, sends him cute cat pictures, even tastes the sadly deformed products of Jinyoung’s baking experiment. 

 

( _ Hmmm, _ Jaebum had said.  _ It’s delicious _ , he croaked with his nose scrunched up cutely. Jinyoung tried one of the blobby cookies later, and it tasted like cement, so props to Jaebum for not spitting in Jinyoung’s face, really.)

 

It feels like no time until it’s the day of their first date, or their first ‘official’ date, as Bambam puts it. Jaebum has work, so they agree on meeting outside the restaurant- Jaebum offers to walk Jinyoung, but he reassures his fake-boyfriend that he’ll get there alright, with some luck and the help of Naver Maps. 

 

Jaebum gives him his workplace address anyway, reassuring Jinyoung’s overthinking mind that maybe Jaebum will just ditch him last second. It never fails to surprise Jinyoung, how Jaebum manages to chase away his insecurities with small yet considerate actions, and Jinyoung couldn’t be more thankful. 

 

“Thinking about your boyfriend?” Jinyoung nearly jumps out of his skin as Bambam sticks his head out of the kitchen, grinning. He bites back a curse, barely manages to balance a tray of forks,”Bambam! I could’ve dropped everything!” 

 

“Loosen up, hyung,” Bambam only winks, showing no remorse for his childish behavior. Jinyoung has half a mind to nag him about being courteous and not fooling around like a middle schooler, but then Bambam leans on the gate to the counter,”Are you nervous about it?” 

 

“I, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jinyoung turns back to the cash register quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up. There aren’t any customers waiting to be served, so Jinyoung grabs a stray cup and starts scrubbing it with a dishcloth, pretending to be busy. 

 

Bambam, of course, sees through Jinyoung’s act right away. 

 

“Those cups are already cleaned-” Bambam laughs as Jinyoung sets down the cup, fumbling for some other utensils to polish. “You can’t avoid my question, I’ve seen you smiling at your phone during lunch- hot date tonight?” 

 

“Please get a job,” Jinyoung tells Bambam, moving on to align the cupcakes in the display cabinet in neat rows. “We’re colleagues, hyung,” Bambam laughs,”Just tell me about your date with your boyfriend and I’ll leave.” 

 

“It’s not until tonight, what’s there to tell?” Jinyoung hums, feigning innocence as Bambam sighs,”You’re so boring, I can’t understand why Jaebum looks at you like you’re the funniest person-” 

 

“Are we closing yet,” Jinyoung despairs, glancing at the clock. There’s still five minutes until closing time, and Jinyoung spots a pair of customers walking towards the counter. Bambam shrugs, still waiting for a response. 

 

“I’ll tell you later, Bambam,” Jinyoung pleads, keeping his voice low. “Go bother Mark instead.” The customers, a young couple from the looks of it, stop in front of the menu, giggling together, and Jinyoung feels sour for some reason. 

 

Bambam trots off, and the couple orders their drinks- two tall mochas for takeaway. Their hands are intertwined together, making Jinyoung feel nauseous.  _ Gross. _

 

Jinyoung handles the orders as fast as he can, filling up two cups quickly and handing them to the couple, trying not to stare at their matching outfits. He suddenly gets a vision of himself doing the same with Jaebum- wearing identical shirts with their initials printed on them. The idea isn’t as appalling as he’d imagined, and Jinyoung feels almost shy as he thinks of Jaebum wearing one of his shirts. 

 

Jaebum’s shoulders would look even wider stretched across his shirts, and Jinyoung fights off a giggle at Jaebum wearing his glasses- he would definitely look cute. Jinyoung spaces out for a moment, daydreaming about cute boys and warm shirts until Mark waves his hand in front of him to get his attention,”Um, Jinyoung?”

 

“Yeah?” Jinyoung blinks, startled. 

 

“We’re closing now.” 

 

“Oh, okay.” Jinyoung shuffles aside to let Mark check the cash register, sidling towards the changing room as quietly as he can. Maybe he could avoid Bambam and meet Jaebum sooner-

 

“Hyung!” Jinyoung jumps as he’s ambushed by both Yugyeom and Bambam. “Yes, hello,” Jinyoung grins weakly, trying to reach his bag. “Please tell us about your boyfriend,” Yugyeom pouts, and Jinyoung feels his resolve shatter- he does love these kids, even though they’re too nosy and loud for their own good.

 

“Fine, I’ll tell you after I change” Jinyoung concedes, and Bambam cheers as Jinyoung ducks inside the changing room, smiling to himself. 

 

\----

 

It takes Jinyoung half an hour until he leaves, thoroughly grilled by the youngers. Jinyoung glances at his phone, searching the quickest route to the restaurant as he walks. 

 

He would’ve left earlier, but at Bambam’s furious insistence, he changed into one of Bambam’s spare sweaters since his pale blue one was ‘too boring’. Jinyoung fidgets with the sleeves of Bambam’s shirt- it’s a nice shirt, the pattern is simple enough but decorated with fancy embroidery lettering that makes Jinyoung feel more dressed up than he actually is. It’s a little tight around the shoulders, but it feels refreshing for Jinyoung since he usually wears loose clothing. 

 

When Jinyoung turns into a familiar looking path, he texts Jaebum:  _ I’m almost there!  _ Maybe it’s the night breeze, maybe it’s his (Bambam’s) new shirt, but Jinyoung feels bolder than usual, pulling a face and snapping a quick selfie for Jaebum. 

 

Jinyoung squints as he waits for the light to change- he looks hideous, nose scrunched together and eyes wrinkled.  _ Perfect, _ Jinyoung grins to himself. 

 

He gets to the restaurant in minutes, thanks to a friendly old lady who showed him the way at the traffic crossing. Jinyoung stands next to the entrance, feeling a bit odd as customers enter and leave next to him. 

 

“Would you like a seat, sir?” A waitress asks, and Jinyoung flinches a little,”No, no, I’m good. Just waiting for someone.” Jinyoung suddenly feels uncertain- had Jaebum thought better of coming? 

 

Jinyoung checks his phone again, rereads Jaebum’s messages to make sure that he’s at the right place, at the right time. He stares at the empty text bar of their conversation- did he say something wrong without realizing it?

 

“Hey,” Jinyoung finally looks up to see Jaebum, hair windswept and panting a bit, but there with Jinyoung. 

 

“Oh,” Jinyoung breathes out. “You’re here.” 

 

Jaebum seems like he’s having a hard time thinking too, judging by the way he’s staring at Jinyoung like he can’t look away,” Sorry I couldn’t come earlier, something came up last minute.” 

 

“It’s okay,” Jinyoung says, glancing at his phone. They’re both early, but it’s so nice and typical of Jaebum to apologize for something as insignificant. He smiles at Jaebum, who grins back, eyes disappearing into soft crescents. 

 

Cute.

 

_What?_ Jinyoung shakes his head as Jaebum asks for a table for two. Jaebum was just a good actor, nothing more, nothing less. 

 

They walk inside then, Jaebum placing a careful hand on Jinyoung’s back when a group of rowdy boys jostle past. He seems hesitant for some reason, like he’s scared of offending Jinyoung, so when they’re both seated, Jinyoung smiles at him in thanks. 

 

Jaebum blinks, like he’s surprised by Jinyoung, but then he smiles, ever so gentle, and Jinyoung feels his ears turn red. He ducks behind the menu, feeling oddly shy until Jaebum pulls down the menu. He looks flustered too, cheeks tinted pink, and Jinyoung feels like he’s going to do something stupid when Jaebum asks softly,”Do you want to order?” 

 

“Yeah,” Jinyoung sighs, feeling short of breath for some reason.  _ It’s so ridiculous, _ Jinyoung thinks as Jaebum beckons a waiter to come over. How they’re acting awkward like teenagers on a first date, or how Jinyoung can’t stop looking at Jaebum’s lips, thin but flushed-

 

_ He wants to kiss Jaebum, _ Jinyoung realises with a start. 

 

What the hell, Jinyoung. 

 

He rubs his warm cheeks with cold hands, trying to will the intrusive thoughts away until he notices Jaebum giving him a weird look. 

 

“Sorry, just a little tired,” Jinyoung giggles stiffly, but Jaebum doesn’t pry, telling Jinyoung about Nora’s recent vet appointment instead. Jaebum’s good at engaging in conversation, and Jinyoung feels himself relax as they chat about the most mundane things like grocery shopping, which suddenly becomes interesting as Jaebum jokes and laughs. 

 

Jaebum’s kind enough to avoid topics that he senses Jinyoung isn’t comfortable with and Jinyoung finds himself enraptured by Jaebum’s voice, the way his eyes seem to shine as he shares his interests with Jinyoung. It feels intimate somehow, talking to Jaebum, as if they’re in their own world even though they’re surrounded by all the other customers. 

 

Jinyoung starts to feel like he’s on a real date, instead of just pretending with his fake-boyfriend. 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t even have the time to be embarrassed about his affection-starved brain, because then there’s a commotion in the restaurant; customers shuffle in their seats and wait staff huddle to the sides as the stage is set up with a small pink piano in the centre. 

 

“Oh right,” Jinyoung realises. “I forgot they had a live singer.” Jaebum nods thoughtfully, peering at the stage,”I think my friend, Youngjae is performing tonight-” 

 

Jaebum keeps talking, but Jinyoung doesn’t catch any of it- he’s nearly frozen in shock as he stares at Jaebum- of course, of course, Jinyoung’s friend would be here, back to haunt him like the rest of his ghosts. 

 

_ 2017, Mokpo _

 

“Youngjae?” Jinyoung ducks his head into Youngjae’s room across his. “Did you take my blue socks? I can’t find them anywhere.” 

 

Normally, Youngjae would offer his help right away, but today he seems distracted, squinting at his laptop with his headphones on. 

 

“Don’t lean so close to the laptop, Jae-It’s bad for your eyes,” Jinyoung chides, shuffling inside to get a better look at what Youngjae’s up to. There’s a bunch of music scores scattered on his bed, lyrics tumbling onto the floor. Jinyoung picks up one from the floor- it’s in English. 

 

“Just a second, hyung-” Youngjae grins at Jinyoung, turning back to his laptop and pressing some keys. Jinyoung sits down on Youngjae’s bed, not sure what to expect, but then the first bars of a popular Western song- Jinyoung’s vaguely familiar with the title, something sunshine?- play, and Youngjae sings along. 

 

Jinyoung knows Youngjae’s got a good voice, from his bathroom concerts to the karaoke parties they have, but now, Youngjae sings like he’s a proper singer, high and bright at times and deep and sorrowful at others. He sounds like someone Jinyoung would hear on TV, and Jinyoung’s heart swells with pride as Youngjae draws out the last clear note.

 

Jinyoung claps as Youngjae finishes, grinning as Youngjae tackles him on the bed. “Good job, Youngjae-ah,” Jinyoung tells his friend sincerely as Youngjae wraps his arms around his midriff. “You could be a singer with a voice like that.”

 

“Do you really?” Youngjae’s eyes light up at Jinyoung’s words. “I want to sing this at my audition for this music course, but I’m not sure how I’ll do…” 

 

“You’ll be just right, those judges would be crazy not to accept you right away!” Jinyoung ruffles Youngjae’s hair, and Youngjae clambers off the bed, rambling something about ‘the best music school in Korea’. 

 

Watching Youngjae scramble for his application form, Jinyoung thinks,  _ Yes, this must be family. _

 

_ 2018, Seoul _

 

Jinyoung feels like he’s going to throw up, as Jaebum gives him a worried look. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” He says, even though he feels like he’s just swallowed a dead rat. 

 

Jinyoung tries to think of anything but the pasta he’s just had, bracing himself for the worst. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late-ish update hgkdfdhgc i haven't been satisfied with my writing lately and it's not very good but we'll get to the disco,,, show,,,,,,, thing next time! everything's been tough but i'll try my best to keep up with better chapters, as always! 
> 
> thanks for reading!! 
> 
> 20180521


	7. SKYWAY

“And next up we have we have our Youngjae, give it up for him, everyone!” The singer from last time cheers as the customers clap politely, and Jinyoung flops his hands together, feeling like he’s being flung around on a pendulum ride. 

 

_ He probably won’t recognise you anyway _ , Jinyoung tries to reassure himself, but he’s still so terrified of facing someone’s he’s run away from, that he closes his eyes. 

 

_ I can’t do this anymore. _

 

Jinyoung drops his fork on the floor, ducking under the tablecloth. He scrambles for the fork, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. But nothing seems to work, and Jinyoung finds tears welling in his eyes, his breath coming in short, painful huffs. 

 

It’s like one of his recurring nightmares, but Jinyoung can’t run away, everything is real and there’s no alarm clock screaming for him to wake up. 

 

Jinyoung clamps a hand over his face, maybe he’ll make it to the bathroom without Jaebum or anyone else noticing, he’ll just say he vomited- 

 

Something ducks under the table, and Jinyoung shrinks away instinctively, because, what the hell?

 

“Need help?” Jaebum chuckles, but his expression changes once he sees Jinyoung, face probably red and blotchy, choking back tears. 

 

“Jinyoung?” He says softly then, as Jinyoung sniffs, wiping at his face. Jinyoung’s hand comes back sticky, covered in his own snot or something. It’s disgusting, just like himself, but then Jaebum reaches over, hand hovering around awkwardly before settling on Jinyoung’s shoulder. 

 

“I think, I need, a moment,” It’s a miracle how Jinyoung finishes the sentence without bursting into tears. He feels silly, like a child throwing a tantrum at his birthday party, but Jaebum nods, eyes solemn. 

 

“Can I stay here with you?” Jaebum asks hesitantly, peering at Jinyoung in the small space. It occurs to Jinyoung that the other people in the restaurant are probably giving their table weird looks, wondering why they’ve disappeared under the table. 

 

Jinyoung decides he doesn’t care. 

 

He takes a deep breath, then two more. The walls (tablecloth, whatever) aren’t closing on him anymore, and only a small bout of queasiness remains. So Jinyoung nods, focusing on breathing in and then out, Jaebum’s hand on his shoulder a comforting weight.

 

Jaebum’s presence doesn’t feel weird, although it’s an absurd situation they’re in, and Jinyoung finds himself strangely comforted as Jaebum’s knees knock lightly against his. “Sorry,” Jaebum whispers, eyes wide like a toddler that’s been caught stealing from the cookie jar, and Jinyoung manages a watery grin. 

 

But then Jaebum looks unusually determined, jaws set and eyes fierce. Jinyoung stares a little as Jaebum licks his lips, seemingly steeling himself to say something. 

 

“Whatever it is that makes you afraid, Jinyoung, I’ll, I’ll-” Jaebum says, but he hesitates, and Jinyoung can’t help but poke fun at him as he swipes away the last of his tears,”You’ll protect me, huh? Like my personal knight?” 

 

“Sure, unless you’re scared of tarantulas,” Jaebum smiles, but there’s a hint of sincerity to his words that makes Jinyoung’s heart flip over. “I’ll be there for you, if you’ll let me.” 

 

Jinyoung has been alone since he was a child, deliberately distancing himself from others. He’s used to facing everything by himself, but having someone to go with him doesn’t feel as bad as he would’ve thought. With Jaebum here, he feels stronger, even though they’re still under the periwinkle tablecloth. The idea of meeting Youngjae after all these years still feels daunting, but Jinyoung thinks anything could’ve gone better than his run-in with Jackson.

 

“I think I’m good, now,” Jinyoung musters a weak grin, but it’s a start anyway. Jaebum grins back, endearingly so, showing all his shiny teeth. Maybe it’s the music that’s started suddenly, but Jinyoung’s heart thuds. 

 

Jaebum clambers back into his seat, with Jinyoung stumbling closely behind. Youngjae’s started to sing, and everyone’s so into it that no one spares them a glance. Jinyoung fiddles with his hair for a bit, unwilling to look up at the stage even though the moment of truth’s arrived. 

 

“Tuturutu, tuturutu,” Youngjae croons on stage as Jinyoung pretends to be very interested in his sleeve, belatedly realising that Youngjae sounds very different from, well, Youngjae. 

 

The singer’s voice sounds darker than Youngjae’s bright tone, and the way he enunciates is different too. Could Youngjae’s voice change again, at the age of twenty two? 

 

Fuck it, Jinyoung decides. He peers up at the stage slowly, inexplicably scared of whoever it is, singing his heart out in front of the audience. A waiter obstructs his view for a moment, setting down Jinyoung’s pasta and Jaebum’s drink, and time seems to slow down, seconds trickling away too slowly as Jinyoung squints at the figure on stage. 

 

It’s not Youngjae. 

 

Jinyoung feels like a burden’s been lifted off his shoulders, huffing out an incredulous giggle as he finally breathes again. The guy on stage was definitely not Youngjae, with heavily lidded eyes and darker skin. 

 

He turns to Jaebum, laughter bubbling in his throat and threatening to spill. Jaebum’s taking photos of the singer on stage with a wide grin, and he slides the phone over to Jinyoung’s side with a proud expression,”That’s Youngjae, we’ve been friends since high school.” 

 

“Youngjae, huh?” Jinyoung raises his eyebrows at the picture. The other Youngjae, as Jinyoung decides to call him in his head, has a cute face, but looks nothing like his Youngjae, thankfully. 

 

“Yeah, Yoo Youngjae,” Jaebum frowns cutely, nose scrunched up as he takes a sip of his strawberry milkshake. “Do you know him?” 

 

Yoo Youngjae, huh. Jinyoung didn’t know Youngjae was such a common name, but either way, he’s grateful that he’s narrowly avoided another crisis.

 

“No,” Jinyoung replies, eyes straying to the corner of Jaebum’s mouth where a bit of pink foam is left. Jaebum’s obsession with strawberry flavoured foods will never not be amusing, Jinyoung thinks as Jaebum notices him staring, tongue darting out to swipe away the foam hastily. 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t notice that he’s smiling until he does, hand flying up to cover his grin awkwardly, nearing dropping his fork. His smile must look gross, dripping with creamy pasta sauce, but Jaebum doesn’t seem to think so, grinning at Jinyoung with the power of a thousand suns. 

 

“Feeling better?” Jaebum seems genuinely glad that Jinyoung feels better, soft grin sending a pang of warmth through Jinyoung’s chest. Jinyoung nods, and they settle into easy, simple conversation again. 

 

They talk about mundane things -Nora’s latest visit to the vet, this crime television series that Jinyoung watches religiously- but Jaebum’s voice, gentle and smooth, webs tales filled with mirth, and Jinyoung listens, falling slowly but surely into Jaebum’s spell. 

 

“So about that tv show you like-” Jaebum is even considerate enough to shift the centre of conversation back to Jinyoung, shyly refusing to hog the spotlight as he glances at Jinyoung, tips of his ears tinted pink. Jinyoung can’t help but notice how Jaebum seems cautious around him, edging a tentative step forward but then taking two backwards. 

 

It’s probably Jinyoung’s fault for overthinking and being awkward all the time, but there’s no harm in wishful thinking, is there? He wants Jaebum to be as comfortable with him as Jinyoung is with Jaebum, but it seems impossible at times like this. 

 

Probably, but Jinyoung tries not to think about the possibility of things going wrong, smiling dopily at Jaebum who returns the smile with renewed vigour. 

 

Things were definitely going to take a turn for the worse, but as Yugyeom liked to say, WOLO, right?

 

They chat idly about tv shows like the ‘boring old men’ they are (Jinyoung can practically hear Bambam screeching about them being senior citizens, and he makes a mental note not to mention anything to him.), and Jinyoung can’t help but bring up one of his favourite Western shows. 

 

“It’s about fairytale characters but with new backstories and stuff-” Jinyoung gushes, belatedly realising that he’s being too excited, judging from Jaebum’s bemused expression, “Ah, sorry, I just really love the show.” 

 

“It’s fine,” Jaebum says, eyes fond. “You really like fairytales, huh?” 

 

“Yeah,” Jinyoung answers without hesitation. “I’ve loved them since I was a kid, they’re just so timeless and just…” “Magical?” Jaebum suggests, slightest hint of a teasing grin on his thin lips. Jinyoung pauses to consider his statement,“There’s not always magic, but yeah, magical- why are you smiling like that?” 

 

“You’re cute when you’re excited,” Jaebum blurts, eyes wide and looking surprised by his own words but for once not taking them back. Naturally, Jinyoung panics. 

 

“I, uh,” Jinyoung feels his face heat up, brain melting into a puddle of goo as he searches desperately for a response. “You can’t say that, fuck-” 

 

“Why can’t I?” Jaebum grins, he’s definitely smirking now, and Jinyoung’s so embarrassed he feels like dying. “Are you going to turn me into a frog, fairytale boy?” 

 

“That’s not how it works!” Jinyoung gets over his mortification for a nanosecond to reply indignantly, registering Jaebum’s teasing a beat late. “Cute,” Jaebum says again, but when Jinyoung lifts his eyes up to look at him, there’s no crooked grin anymore, but a small, longing smile that makes Jinyoung’s stomach flip over, once, then again. 

 

“Oh,” It takes all Jinyoung has not to blush and stutter like a teenage girl- at this rate he’s going to use all his self-restraint on trying not to embarrass himself in front of Jaebum. “You’re a good fake boyfriend, I guess,” is what he manages to come up with. 

 

_ Lame _ , Jinyoung takes a moment to regret everything he’s ever done in his friendship with Jaebum, but he doesn’t seem too awkward, eyes still warm as he sips at his milkshake. 

 

Jinyoung picks at his pasta, not having much of an appetite- it’s nearing nine, and it’s not like they won’t meet more with the impending disco show- he can’t help but groan internally once the thought of the much-dreaded disco show comes to mind. 

 

It was a stupid decision, and now he has to deal with the repercussions. Jinyoung enjoyed spending time with Jaebum, but he couldn’t help but notice that the whole dating thing had made Jaebum more closed off, like he was barging into unfamiliar territory. 

 

They stay silent for a while, finishing up the last of their dishes. Jinyoung’s about to bring up something else to talk about, maybe something about the band Jaebum had mentioned he liked once, but Youngjae- not Jinyoung’s Youngjae, the singer- comes by their table, waving at Jaebum. 

 

“Hey,” Youngjae holds out a fist for Jaebum to knock against- Jinyoung’s never understood brofists, but thankfully Youngjae doesn’t offer one-  and grins at Jinyoung. “You’re here with your friend?” 

 

_Ah, there it is._ _Their first acting stint as a couple._

 

“My date, actually,” Jaebum smiles, but he flinches ever so slightly at the word ‘date’, and Jinyoung hopes Youngjae won’t notice. 

 

Jaebum’s hands fidget in his lap, showing his obvious discomfort with lying. It finally occurs to Jinyoung that maybe Jaebum’s not that good of an actor than he thought, especially in front of an old friend. Without thinking, Jinyoung reaches over for Jaebum’s hand, tangling their fingers together hesitantly. 

 

_ Might as well act the part, right? _

 

Jaebum’s fingers are stiff at first, but they curl around Jinyoung’s larger hand quickly, warm fingers intertwining with Jinyoung’s. “I’m Jinyoung,” He introduces himself to Youngjae, who flashes him a friendly smile. 

 

Jaebum’s shoulders deflate, losing some of their tautness, and Jinyoung feels a soft squeeze. It’s warm and soft and Jinyoung wants more, as he always does. Jaebum and Youngjae chat about stuff that Jinyoung doesn’t really understand, stuff about producing but it’s okay- Jaebum’s hand is a comforting weight in Jinyoung’s. 

 

“Well, I hope you guys had a good time!” Youngjae winks, and waves goodbye after making Jaebum promise to text more frequently, but Jaebum doesn’t let go of Jinyoung’s hand yet, so he holds on like it’s completely natural for them to be holding hands under the table. 

 

They’re still holding hands after they pay and leave the restaurant, Jinyoung insisting on paying for the two of them but Jaebum snatching the bill away at the last possible second. Jinyoung pouts for a split second before Jaebum laughs and promises to let Jinyoung pay ‘next time’, whatever that meant. 

 

It’s odd, but neither of them question it, letting their hands dangle between them comfortably, but hesitantly. Jinyoung worries whether Jaebum will feel uncomfortable about this as they step out of the restaurant- what if they run into someone who didn’t know about them?

 

Hell, he didn’t even know whether Jaebum liked men. 

 

“I can hear you worrying,” Jaebum teases, squeezing Jinyoung’s palm lightly. Jinyoung jumps a little, nearly tripping over nothing, but Jaebum pulls him upright. “Thanks,” Jinyoung gasps, breathless and feeling oddly lightheaded. 

 

“No problem,” Jaebum chuckles throatily as they wait for the light to change. Jaebum’s grin is easy, but his tone is sincere when he looks at Jinyoung,”I’ll be there for you, as friends or fake dates, whatever.” 

 

“Thank you,” Jinyoung doesn’t know why he’s suddenly emotional, streetlights blurring into yellow blobs, flicking as he blinks. “I’ll be there for you too, hopefully.” it ends on a shaky laugh, but Jaebum smiles anyway, earnest. 

 

Jaebum says he’ll be there for Jinyoung ‘as friends’, but Jinyoung isn’t exactly blind, he notices how Jaebum looks at him, eyes a little too fond. Jinyoung should be worried, but weirdly, he doesn’t hate it at all. 

 

Jaebum only lets go of Jinyoung’s hand when they get to their apartment building, but Jinyoung’s usually cold hands feel warm all night. 

 

Jinyoung’s not one to take chances, but as he gets a good night text from Jaebum, he can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, everything’s going to be fine for once. 

 

\-----

 

_ The prince had gotten used to being locked in the tower, alone with only books for company. The strange visitor who climbs up the the tower, however, changes everything.  _

 

\-----

 

The disco show whisks by in no time, and Jinyoung’s completely unprepared. 

 

He’s only ever attended a few school parties before, and those were relatively boring, with teachers posing as chaperones and awkward mingling why the school band played the same song onstage for 2 hours. Even the snacks were lackluster, honestly- who served carrot sticks at a party?

 

Jinyoung has no idea what to expect, or even what to wear, especially when it’s Jackson’s wacky ex who’s hosting the event. 

 

Mark, Bambam and Yugyeom are no help. When Jinyoung sends a desperate call for help in the Blur group chat, Yugyeom leaves him on read. Mark sends ‘haha’, which Jinyoung doesn’t know how to interpret. Bambam just tells him to go naked, with a series of wink emojis at the end. 

 

Two breathing exercises later, Bambam sends a short command:  _ wear skinny jeans u hide in the back of your closet with like, a t-shirt. _

 

_ Is that appropriate? _ Even with the clear instructions, Jinyoung worries still.  _ It’s a show, after all… _

 

_ Just get dressed, dummy _ , Bambam shots back.  _ We’ll wait for u and jb near the club. _

 

Jinyoung frowns at his phone, but Bambam doesn’t send anything else, to both his relief and distress. After glaring at his phone for a sign to no avail, he decides to take Bambam’s advice, trudging to his closet and searching for the suggested outfit. 

 

It takes Jinyoung little effort to riffle through his clothes, seeing that he hasn’t got much. He’s actually surprised that Bambam knows that he has stylish, clothes like that, although he prefers shirts and wide pants. 

 

His skinny jeans are wrinkled, but Jinyoung thinks,  _ whatever _ . It’s just Jackson’s ex’s performance, he doesn’t need to look good for anything or anyone. But Jaebum’s there, so Jinyoung manages to pick out a plain t-shirt that lots slightly less crumpled as the others he has. 

 

Jinyoung barely wriggles into his jeans -with some difficulty, they’re tight and he hasn’t worn them in ages- and slips the t-shirt over his head when the doorbell rings. He finds Jaebum at the door, dashing in a suede jacket with his hair pushed up. 

 

“You’re here,” Jinyoung greets, hoping that he doesn’t blush, or worse, drool. 

 

“Yeah,” Jaebum breathes, seeming flustered for some reason, eyes darting around wildly after giving Jinyoung a once over. Jinyoung fidgets with the hem of his t-shirt, looking down at Jaebum’s sneakers. “You look nice,” he says, and Jinyoung looks up in alarm. 

 

_ So he was shy?  _ Jinyoung can’t help but feel satisfied for making Jaebum bashful, but he still feels underdressed under his gaze. “You, too,” Jinyoung says, smiling at Jaebum’s spiderman t-shirt that faintly matches with Jinyoung’s batman socks. 

 

“Just wait here a little, I’ll just grab my stuff and we can go,” Jinyoung hurries to reach for his phone and wallet, locking up his apartment as Jaebum waits by the door. They catch a taxi outside the apartment building, since it was almost evening and the train would be stuffed with people by the time people got off work. 

 

“Jackson’s already there,” Jaebum reports as Jinyoung checks his texts.  _ Why are u and jb taking so long, we’re going in first, _ Bambam declares in the group chat, and Jinyoung fights the urge to roll his eyes- he can picture Bambam’s annoyed pout.

 

“So are my friends,” Jinyoung replies as he sends a bunch of sad emojis. “They ditched me already.” “Too bad,” Jaebum’s lips quirk upward, like he’s trying not to laugh at Jinyoung, who pulls a face at him. 

 

“Aren’t you supposed to stick up for me?” Jinyoung questions, pretending to be hurt as Jaebum’s expression turns panicked. “You’re my date.” He bursts into laughter as Jaebum opens and closes his mouth, speechless before cracking into a grin of his own. 

 

“I’ll take care of you anyway,” Jaebum says as they drive up to the entrance of the club. It’s sweet, but Jinyoung feels the familiar dread bubbling up in his stomach. He pushes the feeling away, smiling at Jaebum. 

 

He wants to be happy, even if it’s just for a moment. 

 

The taxi pulls up to the curb, and Jinyoung hands over the fare to the driver before Jaebum can react. “I’m not letting you pay this time, you’ve paid too many times already,” he says to a wide-eyed Jaebum, who shuffles outside, still looking dazed. 

 

The club is fancier than what Jinyoung expected it to be, entrance painted gold and looking cyber with neo blue lights. Rock music plays inside, so loud that Jinyoung feels like he’s being shaken by the sound waves. He can’t help but feel daunted, staring at the silver steps leading to the entrance hesitantly. 

 

“Are you ready?” Jaebum asks, hand outstretched to take Jinyoung’s and smiling in the way that makes him feel like all is right in the world.

 

In the past, he would’ve paused to consider the pros and cons of doing so. Probably would’ve told Jaebum to start acting later, since they weren’t really in a relationship or anything of the sort. 

 

But now, he wants to stop thinking, considering and nit-picking at his every action. 

 

Jinyoung takes his hand. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating srdgfdfdgg this took me unbelievably long but we'll go back to regular programming and wrap this up soon!
> 
> 20180624


	8. PROVE IT

The disco show is already in full swing when Jaebum and Jinyoung walk in. The room is dark, barely illuminated by blue neon lights. The room is spacious, large stage in the centre surrounded by loveseats and couches, a bar lining up the entire length of the room. A fair bunch of guests have arrived, lounging around and talking in shrill, posh voices. A rap track is playing loudly, rapid-fire beats and muffled english words making Jinyoung wince. He doesn’t spot anyone he knows, which worries him- were they at the right place?

 

“Let’s just take a look around,” Jaebum squeezes his hand lightly, as if he could read Jinyoung’s thoughts. “I think I saw Jackson near the bar.” Jackson isn’t who Jinyoung wants to see now- or any time soon, if he’s honest- but a familiar face was better than nothing.

 

They move through the throng of party-goers slowly, Jaebum keeping a careful hand on Jinyoung’s back as they maneuver around people dancing and jiving to the music. But when they get to the bar, they don’t see Jackson.

 

Pushing his hair back, Jaebum sighs,”Guess he disappeared somewhere again.” “It’s alright,” Jinyoung pulls out his phone and starts texting the blur group chat,”I’ll try to look for my friends, they’ll keep an eye out for him.”

 

Jinyoung sends out a frantic message with multiple exclamation marks just when the crowd rustles, cheers amplifying as a newcomer steps on stage. “Who’s that?” Jaebum voices Jinyoung’s thoughts, but then Jackson’s ex -Macjin? Jun?- steps on stage in all of his lime tracksuit glory, and Jinyoung winces.

 

“Are you ready?” Jin roars into his mic, and a new track starts blaring from the loudspeakers. It’s too noisy for Jinyoung’s taste, and the crowd surges forward, pushing Jinyoung into Jaebum’s side. He feels like throwing up, breath constricting as someone’s warm breath makes the back of his neck prickle in discomfort. _Gross._

 

Apparently Jaebum feels the same way, pulling Jinyoung aside, nose scrunched in distaste. Jinyoung focuses on breathing again, but his eyes can’t help but stray to Jaebum’s cute expression. He’s glancing at the mob of rapid Jin fans, nose scrunched and lips pouting ever so slightly, and it’s arguably the most adorable thing Jinyoung’s ever seen.

 

“How do you feel?” Jaebum asks, eyes wide, “I didn’t expect it to get so crowded, but he’s more popular than we thought he’d be.”

 

Jinyoung likes how he says _we_ , like they’re a package deal or something -except they’re not. They’re just posing for this stupid party, but it seems like no one really cares after all. But he likes the way Jaebum’s hand feels in his, perhaps a little too much, so he doesn’t let go just yet.

 

Jaebum gives him a confused smile, and Jinyoung nods, realising that he’s been staring at him,”Yeah, I thought he had like, 2 fans.”

 

Jaebum laughs, throaty and handsome as he pushes back his hair, and Jinyoung feels his heart leap into his mouth. “I’m still glad we came here, though,” Jaebum fixes his gaze on Jinyoung, and his breath hitches as he shifts closer to him.

 

“Ye-yeah,” Jinyoung stutters, suddenly aware of the lack of space between them. His shoulder is pressed close to Jaebum’s, his chest barely centimeters away from Jaebum’s broad torso. Jaebum seems equally nervous about their proximity, clearing his throat lightly before speaking again,”I’m so glad I met you that day, Jinyoung.”

 

Jaebum must be a really good actor, because Jinyoung swears he feels something at that precise moment. Everything, the disco lights, the noise, the throbbing crowd, seems to fade away, and it’s just Jaebum and Jinyoung in the middle of it.

 

Jaebum looks at Jinyoung again, seemingly mustering the courage to say something- Jinyoung’s heart drops. “I like you a lot, Jinyoung-”

 

Jaebum looks perfect, nervous and earnest and beautiful even under the ugly neon lighting, but Jinyoung just wants to scream. He wants to run away, make an excuse and dash to the bathroom, but there’s too many people around, pressing and pushing against each other.

 

The music stops, the audience clapping heartily, and after not getting much of a reaction, Jaebum moves away, awkward,” Sorry, I shouldn’t have moved so close, it’s just, the people-”

 

Jaebum looks guilty, and Jinyoung feels terrible- he was at fault too, for edging closer to Jaebum even though he knew he shouldn’t have. “It’s okay, it’s not like we could move-” Jinyoung tries explaining, but the words fall flat on his tongue. How do you even begin to tell someone you can’t like them because you’re cursed, and you don’t want them to die for your sake?

 

Jaebum nods, eyes downcast, and Jinyoung feels like he’s just kicked a puppy or something. “It’s not like that,” He tries again, reaching out for Jaebum’s wrist. “It’s just-” But Jinyoung still doesn’t know where to begin, and the disco isn’t exactly the best place to talk about his childhood trauma, so he keeps it at that.

 

For some reason, Jaebum gets it anyway. “It’s okay, I understand.” He smiles, letting Jinyoung take his hand again like it’s no big deal, yet betrayed by the slight waver in his eyes. Jinyoung feels like shit, but then the music starts again, so loud Jinyoung can barely hear his thoughts.

 

“Are you ready to rock out?” MacJin roars at the crowd, his fans shouting back with increased fervour, and Jinyoung winces,”I think I’ll go look for my friends.”

 

“Sure, I’ll-” Jaebum starts, but then someone taps Jinyoung on the shoulder. He spins around to find Jackson, solo cup in hand.

 

“Hey, lovebirds,” Jackson grins at the two of them, and Jinyoung’s replying smile goes stiff for a split-second. _Yeah, they still had an act to put on._ He doesn’t waste any time, tangling his fingers with Jaebum’s quickly.

 

Acting, Jinyoung tells himself. But it might also be the last time he can intertwine his fingers with Jaebum so freely, so he squeezes Jaebum’s hand a little, savouring his warmth. Jaebum feels the same way, for some reason, winding his fingers around Jinyoung’s longer ones without question.

 

“Wow,” Jackson slurs, raising his eyebrows at their hands. “We get it, you’re dating and I’m just, drunk.” He’s already intoxicated to some degree, Jinyoung notes.

 

“Hey,” Jaebum notices Jackson’s state as well, lips pursed in worry as he turns to Jinyoung. “Do you mind staying with Jackson for a bit? I could go look for your friends, if you don’t mind.”

 

Being left alone with Jackson isn’t exactly Jinyoung’s dream, but Jaebum seems genuinely concerned about Jackson’s well-being, and who is he to reject such a simple request, after everything he’s put (and going to put) Jaebum through?

 

So Jinyoung nods, and Jaebum lets out a sigh of relief as he pulls his fingers away from Jinyoung’s grasp. “I’ll be back soon,” Jaebum tells him, but he doesn’t go right after, gaze lingering on Jinyoung’s face, like he’s looking for something more, something real.

 

Jinyoung blames his weak heart, but at that moment, he knows what he wants as he tugs Jaebum on the sleeve. Jaebum pauses, giving Jinyoung a bewildered look, and Jinyoung just- goes for it.

 

He kisses Jaebum softly on the cheek, just a few centimeters shy of his the smiling corner of his mouth. Jaebum’s skin is warm where Jinyoung’s lips touch him, and Jaebum freezes, shocked. “We’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Jinyoung taps Jaebum lightly on the arm, and he seems to come back to his senses, giving Jinyoung one last startled glance before walking away.

 

 _What was that?_ Jinyoung touches his lips, dazed.

 

He’s made plenty of dumb decisions concerning Jaebum before, but this was by far the most impulsive. It had felt good, though, and the simple cheek kiss made Jinyoung feel antsy, wanting more.

 

There’s just something about Jaebum that makes Jinyoung want to toss away all considerations, to forget about his curse for once, to chase after what he wants. But Jinyoung’s still terrified of hurting Jaebum just because he can’t contain his desires, and he isn’t even sure what Jaebum thinks now.

 

Jinyoung chews on his lips anxiously, eyes follow Jaebum as he vanishes up the stairs, on the hunt for Jinyoung’s friends. It’s dangerous, but he can hardly restrain himself from asking for more, and Jaebum’s not helping for going along with his whims, luring Jinyoung in deeper with each tender smile.

 

Jackson sneezes, startling Jinyoung. “Sorry,” Jackson apologises, dabbing at his face sloppily. He’s flopped on a couch, limbs splayed here and there but clutching his drink tightly, like a lifeline. It makes Jinyoung’s heart clench -just slightly but the feeling’s there all the same-  thinking of Jackson who was bright enough to rival the sun, and his best friend.

 

Jinyoung walks over to Jackson, deciding that Jackson’s better off with some company, and he’s promised Jaebum to look after Jackson anyway. Jackson’s eyes are droopy as Jinyoung sits down next to him, careful not to jostle his sprawled leg. He takes Jackson’s drink from him first, prying his fingers away from the cup as Jackson mutters something, eyes fluttering close.

 

“What?” Jinyoung asks as Jackson mumbles, pulling himself upright with some effort. “Water,” Jackson coughs as he leans against the couch, and Jinyoung looks around, frantic. It’s not like he can leave Jackson in this state, and he doesn’t want to take any liquids from random strangers.

 

“Sorry,” Jinyoung pats Jackson awkwardly on the back,”Just wait a bit, Jaebum will be here soon.” He reaches out to massage Jackson’s hand lightly, just like Jackson used to do when Jinyoung was down- it feels right for some reason, and Jackson’s eyes snap open with alarming clarity.

 

Jackson’s flushed cheeks turn white, almost absurdly so, like he’s just seen a ghost. “Jn-Jinyoung?” He gasps, and Jinyoung can only nod as Jackson touches his face, as if he’s trying to affirm what he’s seeing is real. “I’m dreaming,” Jackson breathes, and Jinyoung frowns: he didn’t know alcohol had the power to induce memory loss.

 

“No, you’re not,” He brushes it off as nothing. “We’re at Mc-” Jinyoung pauses, not wanting to trigger Jackson. “-your ex’s disco show, and we’re waiting for Jaebum to come back with my friends so we can get you some water.”

 

Jackson blinks, “You know Jaebum?” Jinyoung squints at Jackson- _was this some prank?_ \- maybe it’s the flickering lights again, but Jackson doesn’t seem to falter, not even under Jinyoung’s intense gaze.

 

“We’re, uh, dating,” Jinyoung answers as nonchalantly as he can, but Jackson’s answering grin creeps him out. “That’s great!” Jackson gushes, eyes gleaming in a way that sends a shiver down Jinyoung’s spine. “We used to date too, you know.”

 

“Oh- oh?” Jinyoung nearly falls off the couch, heart beating wildly as he steadies himself. _It’s not surprising,_ Jinyoung tries to rationalise the situation.  People date around, and Jaebum most definitely doesn’t owe Jinyoung a rundown of his dating history.

 

“Mmmm,” Jackson leans closer to Jinyoung. “We’ve known each other for a long time, longer than you and me, even.” Jackson’s staring intently at Jinyoung, which makes him increasingly uncomfortable. ”Right,” Jinyoung chuckles nervously, just for the sake of it, glancing around quickly. _Could Jaebum, or any one of his friends show up already?_

 

Jackson seems a little disappointed in Jinyoung’s reaction, slouching a little before speaking again,”He likes you a lot more than any other rebound than he’s ever had, I guess-”

 

Jinyoung flinches at Jackson’s words,“Excuse me, I’m a-what?” He’s going too far, even for a drunk person, and Jinyoung feels sick all of a sudden. “I said,” Jackson grins like he knows full well what he’s doing to Jinyoung. “You’re his rebound, Jinyoung, nothing more.”

 

Jinyoung’s stomach lurches as he grabs at the armrest of the couch to keep him from bending over. _No wonder._

 

Of course Jaebum was kind to him, of course he had posed like the perfect Prince Charming for Jinyoung.

 

Just as Jinyoung had fooled Jackson, fooled Youngjae, Jaebum fooled Jinyoung. Nothing was real, from the sweet gestures to the pretty words. He didn’t mean anything to Jaebum, never did to begin with.

 

Jinyoung was just a rebound, someone for Jaebum to toy with to pass time.

 

Jinyoung’s vision blurs, and he feels dizzy without a drop of alcohol in his veins. “I’m going now,” He rasps, pushing himself off the crimson couch and stumbling forward. He doesn’t have the faintest idea where he’s heading, but he just wants to leave and run as far as he can.

 

That’s all he does after all, isn’t it? Running away, when things get too deep, not caring who he hurts. And now Jinyoung’s the one getting hurt, as it should be.

 

_His story is a fairytale, with curses and boys handsome as princes, but Jinyoung’s been the villain all along._

 

Jinyoung lets out a choked sob, tripping on air as he makes it to the other side of the room. His head spins, and he distantly hears someone call his name- it sounds like Jackson.

 

 _Yeah, right,_ Jinyoung laughs at himself. Jackson would never run after him again. He’d probably want Jinyoung dead, both for their past and for the whole fiasco with Jaebum.

 

Jinyoung’s almost at the bathroom before he trips again in his haste, falling flat on his face. His face burns, and he doesn’t know whether it’s from embarrassment or pain. He swipes at his face, fingers coming back bloodied.

 

Jinyoung feels disgusting, face soaked with tears and now bleeding, but it seems like his luck’s run out when he stumbles into the bathroom only to find a man standing by the sink, head whipping around to stare at Jinyoung with a slimy smirk. “Hey, beautiful,” the man grins, wiping at his salivating, cracked lips, and Jinyoung feels revolted.

 

Jinyoung backs up towards the entrance quickly, but there’s a bunch of people gathered outside, and he’s trapped in the bathroom with the creepy guy, who’s moving closer and closer to him, a leer on his dark lips.

 

Jinyoung feels fear wrap around his throat like a python, and his skin pickles as the man ogles him from head to toe. Normally, he wouldn’t shy away from a fight- he’s taller, and probably stronger than the skinny man- but in his frazzled state, his arms feel like jelly, and his legs threaten to give up any second, trembling like crazy.

 

“Let’s have some fun, pretty boy,” The man’s close enough that Jinyoung can see his quivering nostrils, and he shoves his body weight backward desperately, seeking a way out. _Please,_ Jinyoung begs.

 

The crowd doesn’t budge.

 

The man extends a wrinkled hand towards Jinyoung. He closes his eyes, sending a silent prayer to the heavens as he passes out on the bathroom floor.

 

Jinyoung’s pretty much out of it after that, but in his daze he hears angry shouting, someone yelling right next to his ragdoll-limp body, a blend of noise resulting in a loud buzz at the back of Jinyoung’s head.

 

It’s probably one of his hallucinations too, but he feels arms carry him away from the lights, the commotion, and he rolls over, letting sleep take him as he breathes in a familiar, reassuring scent.

 

\----

 

Jinyoung doesn’t dream, for once, and he feels like a new man when he wakes up, feeling fully recharged. He rubs his eyes and gazes at his surroundings blearily- he’s not in his own house, but the sheets are clean, and he doesn’t feel particularly uncomfortable, save for a dull throb at the back of his head.

 

The events of the night before come back to Jinyoung’s mind in a flash, and he jumps to the worst conclusion right away: could he-?

 

Jinyoung peeks under the covers, heart racing but calming down once he sees that he’s still fully clothed. He’s not wearing any shoes, though, and he wriggles his toes, trying to detect any sign of pain.

 

Nothing hurts, really, and Jinyoung lies in the strange yet comfortable bed for some more time. The room has a minimalist design, pretty much bare except for the furniture, and a red jacket hanging on the back of the chair near the bed.

 

Jinyoung hears footsteps, and he sits upright, suddenly alert. He spies a ruler lying on the desk near him, so he grabs it without another thought- maybe he could defend himself from the possible intruder.

 

It’s no intruder who walks in, though- Mark grins once he sees Jinyoung up,”Hey, you feeling any better?”

 

Jinyoung drops the ruler in a split second, holding his arms out for Mark who obliges, wrapping him in gentle arms. He doesn’t know why he feels like crying until he blinks away tears, dabbing at his eyes quickly so that he won’t damp Mark’s expensive-looking sweater.

 

 _Was Mark rich?_ Jinyoung wonders briefly as Mark hands him a glass of water. It makes him a bit sad that he doesn’t know much about his friends, a side effect of his curse. Jaebum’s an exception, kind of, but now the idea of talking to him already made Jinyoung nauseous.

 

“Jaebum brought you back to his apartment,” Mark speaks as Jinyoung drinks, nearly spitting out the water. “Nearly beat up the other guy in the bathroom for being creepy, too. He was really mad.”

 

Jinyoung frowns, “What about the guy in the bathroom?” “He tried to explain that he was just checking on you- as if-, but Jaebum yelled at him anyway.” Mark scoffs, taking a seat. “He was really pissed, even fought the other guy- Jason?- on the spot.”

 

“Jackson?” Jinyoung winces, his conversation with Jackson replaying clearly in his mind. “What were they arguing about? They’re really close friends.”

 

“Jaebum didn’t say.” Mark shrugs,”He was really worried about you, stayed the whole night here, too- but he had to go to his company this morning, so he put me on babysitting duty.”Mark hands Jinyoung a piece of folded paper, which he takes gingerly.

 

“He wrote this for you when he left,” Mark winks at Jinyoung. “I didn’t peek, but he seemed pretty anxious about this.”

 

Jinyoung opens the piece of paper with hesitant fingers- it seems like a note, and the first line makes his stomach fill with dread.

 

_Dear Jinyoung,_

 

_Hey, it’s Jaebum._

 

Jinyoung can’t help but smile a little at the casual greeting, picturing Jaebum himself saying that to him right now, even though he was no more than a plaything to Jaebum all along. It makes Jinyoung feel sick, smile vanishing immediately.

 

_Jackson told me a version of what happened last night, and I think we should talk about it._

 

Jinyoung scoffs: _Was there anything left to talk about?_ Everything was fake, and it was probably what Jinyoung deserved.

 

_We were always just friends, but my feelings for you are real. Everything I’ve said, or done, I mean it._

 

Jinyoung’s breath hitches. _What does this mean?_

 

_I really like you, Park Jinyoung. I don't know if it's love yet, but I do know that I want to be by your side. I’d give you the world even if you just wanted to watch it burn. I’ll give you my entire heart, dammit, just for you to look at me. I want to try. Can we?_

 

What.

 

Jinyoung skims the end of the letter quickly, it’s just a scrawled signature, signed Jaebum, but it stirs more emotions in Jinyoung than he’s ever experienced before.

 

The sudden confession catches Jinyoung off guard- it scares him, making him worry that Jaebum’s not done hurting him yet, but a larger part of him feels different. He feels hopeful, that they can fix things and go back to where they were before, and it scares him too, how much he wants this.

 

“Mark,” Jinyoung barely keeps the quaver out of his voice.

 

“Hmm?"

 

“Can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sgsfcfgdfg this might be a little confusing but Jackson's not an asshole,,, i promise  
> see you soon!! (by soon i mean in two weeks,,, unless i get lazy,,, i'll probably get lazy)  
> 20180715


	9. DREAMIN'

_ Mark _ , Jinyoung thinks, dazed as Mark sits down next to Jinyoung. Mark’s a good friend, Mark would understand, no matter what Jinyoung told him. 

 

“Do you feel better now?” Mark asks, brows knitted together in concern. 

 

Jinyoung nods, fidgeting with the piece of paper, clutched in both of his hands. It feels strange talking about this to Mark, like he’s a love (haha) doctor or something, but there’s no other option available. 

 

“What do you want to talk about, then?” Mark leans back, tense poise slightly more relaxed, yet his eyes are still concerned. That, or he’s just pretending to care to make Jinyoung feel better. 

 

“I think I’m in love with, uh,” Jinyoung says, gripping Jaebum’s note so hard it nearly tears. “Jaebum.” 

 

Jinyoung’s insides heave, and he feels nauseous with anxiety. But Mark’s smiling, lips curved like he’s proud of Jinyoung. 

 

“Congratulations,” Mark grins, flashing his sharp teeth at Jinyoung. “Took you long enough to realise, though- I’m pretty sure Bam and Yugyeom bet how long it would take for you to reciprocate Jaebum’s feelings.” 

 

“What?” Jinyoung frowns, shifting in his sheets. “You do realise that Jaebum doesn’t like me, right?” 

 

“Yeah, right,” Mark snorts, oblivious to Jinyoung’s panic. “Jaebum’s stayed next to you all night, worrying about you. If he doesn’t feel anything for you, I’m Beyonce.” “You’re… not Beyonce, though?” Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows, feeling even more confused. 

 

“That’s the point, Jinyoung.” Mark, to his credit, doesn’t tease him,”He definitely likes you, so go for it!” 

 

“No, you don’t understand,” Jinyoung chokes on his words, voice shaking as he speaks. “I can’t- I can’t do this to him.” 

 

“Do what?” Mark leans forward again, confused but still willing to help, and Jinyoung thinks,  _ damn _ , he really doesn’t deserve good friends like these. “You’re not going to believe me,” he protests, pulling up his blanket (Jaebum’s blanket) more securely. 

 

“Maybe I will, if you tell me.” Mark’s still patient, and Jinyoung feels so guilty he’s close to vomiting. “No, no, you’ll hate me if you know,” He shakes his head, trembling hands wrapping around himself. 

 

“It’s fine, Jinyoung, just pretend I’m not here, like you’re speaking to air,” Mark’s voice is calm, soothing even, and Jinyoung forces himself to take deep breaths. “Like you’re speaking to Jaebum.”

 

_ Jaebum, Jaebum, right. _

 

Jinyoung closes his eyes- he owes Jaebum an explanation. (Jackson too, and Youngjae. And his aunt.)

 

“I’m cursed,” Jinyoung mumbles into his hands, face buried resolutely into his hands. “Everyone I love dies, like my pet rabbit, and my grandma.”

 

“I ran away once I thought I was starting to love someone, my aunt, Jackson, my friend Youngjae. But now I can’t run anymore, I can’t afford moving again, but I could never go back to my village after everything that’s happened,” Jinyoung mumbles, wiping at his cheeks, eyes squeezed stubbornly shut. “I don’t know what to do, hyung.” 

 

“Are you sure the curse is real, Jinyoung?” Mark doesn’t laugh, fortunately, but he’s skeptical nonetheless. “It’s just a coincidence, I’m pretty sure love and relationships don’t work like that.”

 

“It’s too much of a coincidence,” Jinyoung dabs at his eyes, still covering his face- curse his ugly crying face. “There was a witch, she cursed me and when I got home my rabbit and my grandma were both dead.”

 

“A witch?” Mark sounds like he’s having a hard time believing Jinyoung. “Are you sure it wasn’t a con? There used to be a lot of scammers posing as witches for money…”

 

“Uh-” It wasn’t as if Jinyoung hadn’t considered the possibility, but he had always been too scared to doubt the words of the witch, her warty face clear as day in Jinyoung’s mind, even after so many years. “I can’t risk hurting Jaebum, or even you guys. What should I do, Mark hyung?”

 

“Here’s the part where you tell him you want to kiss him forever, and you guys date for real.” Mark replies teasingly, and Jinyoung can just hear the smile in his voice. He’s embarrassed, planting his face in his palms again as he mumbles,”Wow, that’s so helpful.” 

 

“Mark hyung?” Jinyoung pries his hands away from his face when he hears no response, rubbing his eyes blearily. Mark isn’t anywhere in sight, and Jinyoung blinks, confused. 

 

_ Where did Mark go?  _

 

_ Maybe he went to the toilet or something, _ Jinyoung guesses. Feeling thirsty, Jinyoung gets up from the bed to look for Mark and perhaps some water, not forgetting to fold the blanket neatly before he leaves. 

 

Jinyoung’s a bit of a slob at home, but he’s not about to make a mess in Jaebum’s house, he thinks as he stacks the blanket on the pillow neatly. 

 

Someone walks into the room, and Jinyoung turns around,”There you ar-” He comes face to face not with Mark Tuan, but with Jaebum. 

 

“Oh,” Jinyoung flinches. “Hi.” “Hey,” Jaebum looks less uncomfortable, but he keeps a wary distance still, giving Jinyoung a once-over,. “Do you feel any better?” 

 

“I’m good,” Jinyoung laughs awkwardly, but Jaebum doesn’t seem thrown off by his short answer. “You were really out of it last night, so I brought you back to my place,” Jaebum replies almost shyly, shifting a little closer to Jinyoung. “I hope you’re okay with that.” 

 

“It’s not like I can not be okay with it,” Jinyoung can’t keep the bite out of his reply. He still feels betrayed (What for? Their relationship was fake all along), and the fact that Jaebum’s still acting nice kind rubs him the wrong way. 

 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum looks nervous, hands shuffled in his blazer pockets- Jinyoung belatedly remembers that he’s supposed to be at work, or something. “I just want to talk.” 

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Jinyoung asks. Jaebum shakes his head twice, like a (cute) puppy, and Jinyoung’s heart thumps loud against his ribs. 

 

_ Stop it _ , he tells his dumb heart, but he feels a blush rise on his cheeks simultaneously.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid _ , Jinyoung tells himself as Jaebum explains,”I got half-day off, checking on you is more important.” 

 

Jinyoung’s stomach backflips, and it takes all of Jinyoung’s restraint not to do something embarrassing like blush harder, or grin like an idiot. How could Im Jaebum just say something with such weight. like it was nothing, all of a sudden? 

 

“Where’s Mark,” He blurts instead, pretending not to see Jaebum’s bright eyes dull. “He went back to Blur,” Jaebum says, “Bambam’s still hungover, so they’re  _ seriously _ short on staff.” 

 

“Are you hinting that I should stop hogging your bed and go to work?” Jinyoung can’t resist poking fun at Jaebum, who blanches for a second. “I’m kidding, hyung, I know you wouldn’t do something.” 

 

“Of course you’d know,” Jaebum shrugs, grinning a little at Jinyoung. And just like that, Jinyoung finds his frustration with Jaebum evaporating. “You wanted to talk,” He grumps in an attempt to rescue the last of his dignity, “So talk.”

 

For a brief moment, Jaebum looks taken aback, but then he nods,”Did you read my, uh, letter?” Jinyoung fumbles around for the piece of paper, now crumpled,”I- yeah.” 

 

“I really like you, Jinyoung,” Jaebum’s nervous, he licks his lips before meeting Jiyoung’s gaze again, and Jinyoung feels incredibly heartsick. “I want to ask you out for real, even though we’re still kind of in our, uh, fake relationship.” 

 

Jaebum grins at Jinyoung, cheeks tinted pink- is he shy?- but Jinyoung just frowns,”About that- Jackson told me you guys used to date, so you don’t have to pretend that you weren’t getting something out of our-”

 

“I wasn’t using you, Jinyoung,” Jaebum objects, handsome brows arched in confusion. “Yes, I dated Jackson, but there isn’t anything between us anymore. I helped you because I wanted to, is that not enough?” 

 

“Fine,” Jinyoung tells himself he doesn't care whether Jackson and Jaebum are still involved with each other, but he can’t help but feel slightly reassured by Jaebum’s words. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea, Jaebum. There’s too much you don’t know about me.” 

 

“I’m willing to listen,” Jaebum smiles, and Jinyoung wants to give in so bad. “It’s not like that, please don’t make me-”  _ Please don’t make me run away. _

 

“Is it about the curse thing?” Jaebum suggests, voice gentle, and Jinyoung’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets- Was Jaebum psychic? A descendant of the witch, back to end Jinyoung’s life perhaps? 

 

“Ho- how did you find out about that?” Jinyoung asks, trying very hard not to tremble. Jaebum just shrugs, faintly sheepish,”I was outside when you were talking to Mark.” 

 

“So now you understand I can’t, you know, uh,” Jinyoung flails for a bit, searching for the right word. “Be in a relationship. I’m so sorry, but there’s no way around it, and I just- I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” 

 

“Are you saying that you care about me, now?” Jaebum seems giddy rather than devastated, a sight that alarms Jinyoung slightly. “That’s -that’s not the point!” Jinyoung replies, flushing as Jaebum smirks. “I can’t feel anything towards you.” 

 

“But do you?” Jaebum asks, eyes earnest, and fuck, Jinyoung just wants to kiss him, tell him that  _ yes, he’d like to date _ . But he can’t. 

 

“I’m sorry, but the curse- no,” Jinyoung shakes his head. “Tell me more about the curse,” Jaebum offers, scooting closer to where Jinyoung is sitting, and Jinyoung sighs, ”Fine.” He owes him an explanation, at the very least. 

 

Jinyoung tells him everything, how he got cursed and even Jackson and Youngjae. Jaebum raises his eyebrows at the part where he mentions having a not-crush on Jackson, but he doesn’t seem jealous or awkward. “So you’re his asshole high school crush, wow,” He says, and Jinyoung resists the urge to smack his shiny corn teeth, “Sadly so.” 

 

“That’s… a long story,” Jaebum says when Jinyoung’s done, half expecting him to run out of the room screaming or something. “When did this happen again?”

 

“When I was eight, so that’s-” Jinyoung tells him, and Jaebum nods, thoughtful. “Have you ever heard of the Busan Witch Scam?” 

 

“Witch scam?” Jinyoung’s jaw drops,”No, I haven’t, what’s it about?” “A bunch of old women posed as hags around that time, I was weirdly obsessed with the case as a kid,” Jaebum says, tapping on his phone quickly. “I had always wanted to be a detective, let me look for a picture of the culprits- here,” 

 

Jinyoung takes Jaebum’s phone, and finds himself looking at a very familiar face,”That’s, that’s the witch?” “The fraud, you mean,” Jaebum answers as Jinyoung skims through the article quickly.  _ Scam led by Han Sooyoung, 73, who posed as a witch with some other accomplices, tricking Busan villagers into thinking she was a witch for payment in exchange for good-luck charms and potions.  _

 

“She lied to me,” Jinyoung exclaims, and Jaebum smiles,”Curses don’t exist, Jinyoung, I knew that at age 8.” “Shut up,” Jinyoung retorts, but he’s smiling too, grinning at the many articles about fake witch Han Sooyoung. 

 

“It couldn’t be this easy, though,” Jinyoung frowns again. “What about my grandma? My rabbit?” “Did you see any medical reports?” Jaebum suggests, and Jinyoung racks his brain for something, anything. 

 

“My aunt showed me a medical report, I think,” Jinyoung says eventually. “I didn’t read it, because I was 8, but she told me she had a heart disease all along. I thought it was the curse causing her sickness, but-” They stare at each other for a moment, until Jinyoung comes to a realization,”So it was a heart disease and not my curse?” 

 

“Probably,” Jaebum replies, smiling as Jinyoung feels a heavy burden being lifted off his shoulders. He’s still skeptical, though,”My rabbit was perfectly fine, though? I bathed him before I left, and he was healthy-” 

 

“You’re not supposed to bathe rabbits, Jinyoung,” Jaebum tells him, ever patient. “They can die from the shock.” “I killed my rabbit, not the curse,” Jinyoung murmurs quietly, still trying to comprehend these new facts, feeling rather stupid. 

 

_ He’s not cursed. _ It feels like he’s been reborn, and he finds himself smiling uncontrollably, feeling free for the first time in years. 

 

“I’m not cursed,” He tells Jaebum, still in a daze. “You’re not cursed,” Jaebum confirms, grin wide and beautiful, and wow, Jinyoung might just be _in love_. 

 

“What are you waiting for?” Jinyoung asks, and Jaebum gives him a confused glance. His arms are open for Jinyoung though when he reaches over for a tentative hug. “You should take me out on that date,” Jinyoung says, “Jaebum-ssi.” 

 

Jaebum’s answering smile makes Jinyoung’s heart swell, growing bigger, deeper, wider as he looks at him. “Anytime, Jinyoung, if you’d like to.” 

 

And it feels right, when Jinyoung pulls Jaebum in for a kiss- on the lips this time, his eyes holding a silent question. There aren’t any fireworks, or birds chirping fairytale-style, but it’s everything Jinyoung’s ever wanted and more. 

 

\-----

 

Being together as a real couple feels different, but Jinyoung likes the change. They spend more time over at each other’s now, since they’re literally next door neighbours, and Nora seems to like Jinyoung too, sidling up to him whenever he’s at Jaebum’s house. 

 

(“What if I told you I only dated you for your cat?” Jinyoung wonders once as he scratches Nora behind the ears. Jaebum only laughs,”That’s highly probable, but I’ll take what I can.”)

 

Mark, Bambam and Yugyeom are merciless in their teasing, as expected, but they seem to like Jaebum, giving him free drinks and snacks whenever he visits Jinyoung at Blur, and that’s good enough for now. Jaebum likes his friends too, joking with them like old friends when he’s around, and Jinyoung feels like he’s falling over Jaebum all over again when he sees him and Bambam bent over Jaebum’s laptop, looking at some cat video. 

 

Everything feels natural, and Jinyoung feels at ease, finally free from the clutches of his stupid fake curse. Things fall into place gradually, even though the situation isn’t always ideal. 

 

Jinyoung and Jaebum are cuddling in Jaebum’s apartment, watching a movie when Jackson barges in randomly,”Hey, Jaebum- are you free right now?” 

 

They spring apart on the couch, eyeing each other frantically as Jackson gives them both a weird look. “I knew I shouldn’t’ve given him the spare key,” Jaebum mutters as Jackson averts his eyes. The look he spares Jinyoung is hostile, and he remembers- he owes Jackson the truth too. 

 

“I’ll go now, sorry,” Jackson twists his gaze away from Jinyoung in some sort of stubborn determination, and Jinyoung stands up,”No, it’s fine. Can I talk to you about something?” 

 

“I’ll get some coffee,”Jaebum walks away to give them space as Jackson sits back down, eyeing Jinyoung with distrust,”What is it, Jinyoung?”

 

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to leave Jaebum, he doesn’t deserve this-” Jackson looks worried, and it hurts, it hurts for Jinyoung to see his best friend thinking so lowly of him. “No, Jackson.” 

 

“I want to talk about us, back in middle school,” Jinyoung starts. He’s scared, it’s awkward, but he knows he needs to do this. “I didn’t run away because I hated you, I ran away because I liked you too much, and I was worried for your life because I thought I had a curse which killed everyone I loved.” Jackson stares at him in disbelief, but Jinyoung forces himself to keep talking. 

 

“I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m so sorry, I’ve been regretting my decision for years now, and you deserve so much, Jackson-” Jackson tackles Jinyoung in a fierce hug as he blinks back hot tears. “I’m so sorry,” Jinyoung murmurs into Jackson’s shoulder, and he pats Jinyoung on the back reassuringly,” I believe you, Jinyoung, and I forgive you, too.”

 

“But I haven’t even told you about the curse, I could be lying-” Jinyoung pulls back to tell Jackson, but he only grins,”We’re best friends, right? And you can tell me about it now, we’ve got all the time in the world.” 

 

_ \----- _

 

Jinyoung buys a journal on his first real date with Jaebum, once everything is settled. The cover is fancy, with gold loopy writing, and it reminds him of a fairytale storybook, those expensive ones at bookstores which Jinyoung was always scared of accidentally tearing. 

 

He writes a lot of things in his journal. Diary logs, mostly, and pictures too, if he manages to find any. He notes down the day he calls Youngjae, to tell him that he’s fine and he didn’t disappear because he was mad at him or anything. Youngjae cries, telling Jinyoung how much he’s missed him. 

 

He blinks away tears at that, promising Youngjae that he’ll visit Mokpo as soon as he can, and Youngjae promises to wait for him. 

 

“I love you, Jae-ah,” Jinyoung says when it’s time to say goodbye, and there’s a pause from Youngjae’s end. “I love you too, hyung,” Youngjae’s laughing, and Jinyoung feels his heart expand with love for his friend. “See you soon.” 

 

“How did things with your Youngjae go?” Jaebum asks him as they have dinner together later that night, trying out a new recipe at Jinyoung’s. “Everything’s perfect,” Jinyoung grins, reaching over to squeeze Jaebum’s hand, freezing once he realises that his hands are sticky with sauce. 

 

(Jaebum doesn’t seem to mind, interlocking their dirty fingers as they wash up together, laughing over nothing.)

 

Jinyoung writes about the time he visits his aunt, Jaebum keeping him company from the boring plane flight to the nerve-wracking trek to his aunt’s cottage. Nothing much about the house has changed, really, and Jinyoung feels like a toddler again, hesitating in front of the weathered wooden door. 

 

“Go ahead,” Jaebum grips his hands tightly before letting go. “I’m here, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” And Jinyoung thinks  _ yeah, Jaebum’s here, there’s nothing to be feared _ . 

 

His aunt comes to the door promptly, her familiar eye wrinkles sending a jolt down Jinyoung’s spine.  _ This is real, _ he reminds himself.  _ I’m with my family again _ . 

 

Aunt Heejung brushes away stray grey hairs, peering at Jinyoung above gold-framed glasses,”Who’s this?” “Auntie, it’s me,” Jinyoung says, and Aunt Heejung’s expression turns to one of sadness, then to one of shock,”Is it- Are you Hyojung’s Jinyoung?” 

 

“Yes, Auntie,” Jinyoung says, tears spilling uncontrollably as his aunt wraps him in a firm hug. “It’s you, it really is you, Jinyoung-ah,” She says repeatedly, holding Jinyoung tight in her embrace. 

 

“It’s me, Auntie,” Jinyoung pats his aunt on the back gently, “I’m back.” Aunt Heejung pulls away to look at Jinyoung properly, eyes shiny,”My word, you’ve grown up so well! Come on in-”

 

She turns to Jaebum, hovering next to Jinyoung,”And who’s this?” 

 

“I’m-” Jaebum hesitates, and Jinyoung knows that he doesn’t want to make things awkward, just in case Aunt Heejung disapproved of their relationship. “I’m a friend.” 

 

“A friend of Jinyoungie’s?” Aunt Heejung asks, beaming. “Well, help yourself-” 

 

“Auntie, auntie,” Jinyoung motions for his aunt to hold on. “This is my boyfriend, Jaebum.” 

 

Aunt Heejung’s expression goes blank for a second, before ushering both of them into the house,”Come, both of you- before it gets cold outside!” 

 

They stay near Aunt Heejung’s house for a few days, Jinyoung telling his family about how he’s been and Aunt Heejung showing them pictures of Jinyoung’s family. Aunt Heejung’s daughters and their respective families come by too, and Jinyoung fits in perfectly, entertaining his little nieces and nephews that he didn’t even know existed. 

 

Aunt Heejung is nice but cautious towards Jaebum, like she doesn’t really how to interact with him. Jaebum insists it’s fine, but Jinyoung sees his drooping shoulders and awkward smiles. But when they bid Aunt Heejung and her family goodbye, Aunt Heejung tackles Jaebum in a fierce hug, and Jinyoung hears her whispering to him,”Thank you, thank you so much for our Jinyoung.” 

 

It’s a good day, even though Jinyoung cries when they board the plane, heading home. 

 

Jinyoung writes down more and more memories in his journal, and there’s so much to be written that he soon reaches the end of the journal. There’s no conclusion to Jinyoung’s story yet, and it’s not exactly happily ever after, but with Jaebum and his friends by his side, Jinyoung thinks he’s the luckiest person in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jinyoung cries a lot here n he's also kinda dumb but anyway!! it's the end tjsdhfhfg thanks for sticking around and once again thank you for liking my fic!! it's been fun and hopefully i'll be back soon with more jjp hahaha
> 
> 20180805  
> fin

**Author's Note:**

> *jackson voice*: welcome to my world let's do this  
> hello!! i'm finally posting (proper) chaptered work again and this is going to be kind of a long ride so pls bear with me lol  
> i hope you've been enjoying it so far, all kudos/hits/comments make me really happy n i hope my fic entertained you as well:0000000000000  
> i'll try to update once every two weeks, since i'm currently writing two chapters ahead, but there's so much i want to do with this fic which might take some time, so no promises haha (but i'll try!!)  
> hmu on [tumblr](http://www.iwaoiyoonminphan.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/moonlikeurs/)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/yuckgyeom/)  
> 20180310


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